Fullmetal chicken
by Faye Valintine M16
Summary: what would happen Robot chicken and fullmetal Alchemist coiled in an Epic saga? well find out in this charming episode. I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, Robot chicken, or some of the stories in this. so I'm going to acknowledge them, diesir, indigo's ocean, and Yaya-Suki, you should read their stories! XD
1. Gluttony's vanity or eat me

**Full metal chicken**

on screen there's a dead flat chicken on the road. Then a mad scientist picks up the chicken and takes him back to a lab in a castle to fix him up. The chicken came out with one robotic wing and one robotic leg.

The scientist: It's ALIVE!

Then the scientist takes the chicken to a chair and strapped him in and clamped eyes open and made him watch hundreds of TVs.

Gluttony's Vanity, or: Eat Me

Cut to TV. TV goes fuzzy to a channel. Channel clears to show Gluttony was in a battle with the Elrik brothers Ed and Al. then Gluttony ate the Elrik brothers.

Gluttony: Uh Oh! Lust and Envy is going to kill me, but they taste so good, but they're going to kill me!... I'm not going to get sex for a hundred years….

However, in doing so to early the plan was failed and Lust and Envy and Gluttony fail in their duties to the Master. He told Lust and Envy what happened.

Lust: we fail in the job! What the Hell went through your Fucking head Gluttony?!

Envy: Oh no! You Fucking imbecile!

said Envy who was hitting the lust of glutton on the heady for being a stupid man.

Gluttony: I didn't mean to Envy don't hurt my Lust.

Lust: And I hate to admit it but they were the best candidate, so well back to the drawing board,

Gluttony: I'm sorry I didn't use my brain but my esophagus!

said Gluttony who will be punished. And so Gluttony was stripped and butt whipped.

Gluttony: Ow , that hurt and I don't expecting please don't be mad I excuse you

Lust: Bad bad bad bad BAD Gluttony! Our ties are broken!

Gluttony: Du'ihohohohohoho Lusty PLEASE stop it ! I am...

Then Gluttony found the best idea he ever had as he looked at the reflection of himself through the eyes of lust.

Gluttony: Wait! Maybe we can CUNTINUE THE TRANSMUTATION!

Envy and Lust: What!

Gluttony: Maybe we can bring them back you saw that one episode where they been in my belly and they might have a chance!

Envy: Yeah that was the time your fat ass ate me along with Ed and that spoiled piece of shit Ling!... although if it was just Ed I would pin him down and start fucking his brains out.

Lust: You're Gay?!

Envy blushed.

Envy: I'm a fucking sin what do you want from me?!

Lust: Hmm Maybe the fucking truth that you're a fudge packer!

Gluttony: Uh can we focuses please.

Lust: Hmm, you may have a point so prove it by let's ask the professor!

So they all went to the mysterious underground professor who knew the alchemy of life and the universes.

Professor: Why yes,{there is a way to get them out of Gluttony belly from the outside but Gluttony has to wish it and try REALLY hard!

Gluttony: But wait I think that is bad because who is it transmute on?

Envy, Lust, Professor: It will only be you!

They point all at Gluttony who was a little slow to he point to himself to understand then get scared and jump and nearly shock the house due to fatness.

Gluttony: But... I don't want to do it if it hurts.

Donly worry Gluttony you will be transmute BUT…..

Lust tighten her whip hard.

Lust: You will be transmute by FATASS!You will be fine and well your container a bottomness void so I think you'll be fin.

So everyone draw a transmuting circle around Gluttony.

Professor: No tricks now. Greeksong

Lust, and Envy: As long as we win…

So they did the spell and then to try and bring Edward and Alphons back to the dead but instead well...

Then Gluttony picked up another Gluttony out of his mouth!

Yes Gluttony had another Gluttony come right out of his mouth!

Gluttony 2: I AM GLUTTONY

But Gluttony only nodded and smiled at his other self and was quite happy, for you see gluttony loves to see another Gluttony.

Gluttony: Hi Gluttony! Prof will lick you!

Gluttony 2: You all look tasty! But wait what are you doing her Lusty?

Lust was hurt by that statement .

Lust: What? It is me in the flesh.

Gluttony 2: No I don't think so!

Professor: GENTLEMEN!,I believe I propose the solution?

Envy: Go ahead pops!

Envy said rude as always. Lust stare with her boobs in annoying.

Professor: You see he is from another dimension calling the Brotherhood dimension and so he is not a copy of Gluttony, we made a mistake and must return him or the balance of all worlds will be at stake!

Gluttony 1 and 2: Steak?!

Envy: Shut up Gluttnut you cheap knockoff thinking of foods!

Gluttony 1: Hmm, but you look so tasty, I cannot wait but I must not east, ooogh...

Gluttony 2: Yes, you look tasty, but in a "different" way."

Gluttony 2 says as he unzip his pants.

Gluttony 1: Gluttony .. graa I or you look so tasty...but...!

Gluttony 2 rage but also horned by this turn of event.

Professor, Lust, and Envy: But not Gluttony, you must finish the transmutata...!

Gluttony 1: I have a dark secret...

Envy, Lust, and Professor: What?!

Gluttony 1 :Every day I look in the mirror and wish this to happen!

Gluttony say as he wrestled Brother with his giant tongue.

Gluttony 2: It is a chance!

Though Brother was covered in giant Glut slobber and wanted to eat all the ones who bring him here he too was torn and took Lusty's whip.

Gluttony 1: Gluttony is such a good boy, but he is also such a BAD boy!

Gluttony took the whip and whip Gluttony (Brotherhood)#2.

Lust and Envy: Professor! Is there nothing we can do about this circumstances?

Said Lust and Envy in unison. Professor shakes his head.

Professor: No the circle is still in effect, see so you cannot jump in and take Gluttonies out, this is...his chemistry.

It is true. They can but watch.

Brother's butt jiggled in response to the whip of the hand. It was doughy and made Gluttony so turned on by his body that he was happy. And then something like a fast and lout and big rocketbanana come out of the thorax of Flutteny!

Lust: That is...

Lust said lustily.

Professor: Indeed. That is the single largest cock in the world, well other than a whale.

Brother was amazed but also scared but Gluttony kept licking his head so much that his symbol on the tongue was penetrated in Brother's eye.

Gluttony 2: Gluttony! This feels good!

Gluttony: How do you not grasp my popsicle?

Gluttony said motioning his succulent huge cock.

Gluttony 2: Oh wow, how it grows! I much chomp on it!

And Brother did so but Gluttony was so turned on that he was so hard like a tree of was amused.

Gluttony: Wow we have the same teeth Brother hood but you or we cannot break our chickenbone!

Gluttony 2: Oh yeah, you taste good but I'll try my best!

So Brother bite harder and tried butting his whole jaw into it but instead the joystick could only shift. His whipcream could not even smother out. He was too harden.

Gluttony 2: Gluttony this feel great but why don't you show me yourself.

Brother stop his vicious cycle of the steamy chilidog that was Gluttony's sack and instead slowly took clothes off to revel...

Everybody in the room: Good Father!

Brother was completely hareless (so not just bald), but he also... (what?) had the smallest waxcarrot in the world!

Lust: So this is the result of Brotherhood! Well it is true opposites attract.

Brother was shot but Gluttony inspect it.

Gluttony: Why! It is like a pimple on my or yours or our nose!

But being in the law of Full Metal Alchemist Brother try his hardest to be like Gluttony and instead the 'pimple' up and punch Gluttony in the motherfucking face!

Gluttony: Your oak is now approved.

Gluttony said as he bent over since he always want to know what himself feel like "in that way".

Gluttony 2: No!

Brother say as he took the ship and shove it hard against the clashed skin.

Gluttony 2: I get my turn me!

Gluttony: Oh!

Gluttony said as he pet Brother in respected. Brother wanted to cut his cucumber and starburst Gluttony but also liked himself so it was okay.

Gluttony continued to ferment his cheese. Though it wasn't big it was the motion of the shark that counted as it hunt its pray.

Gluttony: MphmmfMmmHmMmmMph!

Gluttony say, translation: "This is better than food!"

Though Gluttony was nicer than Brother due to upbringing even though they were the same (this is a show about science).

Gluttony 2: I hope you savoured teh taste, because you are now my hot-lapdog!

Brother took Glouttony up and lighted so much that he grated his salami down the turtleneck of indiscrimination.

Gluttony: Oh WOW.

So then their flesh meshed and their saggy forms bounced all around the circle of the sparking transmutation circle. Brother raise his whip.

Gluttony 2: This is for the disobey! And that is for taking me! And this is for me licking me!...!

Gluttony felt his water boil and desperately needed it to be turned down. Little did he know Brother was using a heavy lid, and stired an even bigger cauldron. So they went at it for a while. For their audience it was louder and longer, since "A Watched pot never boils!" But needy to say this completely the glutonous being(s). Brother was such trying so much like a chocolate auto mail - husky but poisonous. He was devouring those thighs so much that it began to melt in the baking of it all.

Eventually the loaf was ready to be sauced down like a stuffed turkey. Everyone braced themself and bit their beans. They knew their tofu whale was about to blow.

It is true. Their various meats were ready for dishes, since they were cooking for a while now. It was time for the moment that the feast had been delivered.

And so the vibrating wave of cerulean warmth cascaded over them, washing away their sins as the sticky solvent got everywhere.

Envy: Eww gross your stuff is gross Gluttony!

Envy giggled..

Gluttony: Like milk!

Gluttony said. Brother agreed and was satisfied. They all shrug.

Professor : That's fine but this doesn't produce the transmutation.

Father facepalm.

Then suddenly Gluttony regain his lost body fat.

Envy, Lust, and the 2 gluttony's : It wasn't all in vain!" They collectively cheered.

Little did they undertake its sinister motives!

Gluttony felt sick then vomit all over Brother (who was already covered in his homunculus fluid).

Then Gluttony got bigger. And fatter! And huge! And stinkyer! And harry! Like a sponge! And suddenly his hormones go in disarray!

Gluttony: Oh FuTHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!

Then Gluttony transformed into his legendary form, the pulsating spiked eye vagina mouth, and out of his stomach spewed Al... and ... Ed!

(Except since he was manpreg it came out of his buttocks instead)

Indeed it was through the help of Gluttony that the transmutation was finished after all!

Envy, and Lust: Yay! We saved our plans!

the artificial family danced.

Envy, and Lust: Let's get them before they wake up and continue with this series of events!

Gluttony 2: Yuck I am still hungry….

Brother said disappoint, then ate Gluttony from the head down to dick.

Lust: Gluttony! Er,the Brother one!

Lust anger.

Gluttony 2: I couldn't halp myself! He was magically delicious!

Gluttony blushing.

Lust pulled down her skirt and glared at Envy,

Lust: What?"

Evny grinned and said

Envy: nothing. Nothing at all.

Technically, Edward said in an anime fashion as he rose from the ground with his first finger high up in ther air,

Ed: It was SCIENCELLY delicious! For THAT was alchemy in its purest form~!

Brother didn't really used his head that much and decided to simply re-eat the using the metal man as a utensil for the fellow human (but bad manners ate the metal).

Professor: Oh no! You gluttony!

Professor said with much wrath.

Envy: Here we go again,….

Envy giggled. Lust sighed and redrew the transmutation circle.

Lust : Looks like Gluttony took in more than he could chew!

They all laughed and fadeout.


	2. Chapter 2 things wrong with side by side

Top things wrong with Side by side

Then TV goes fuzzy to a channel. Channel clears to show a small blond kid coming to a small house, pist off about something.

Sin counter 1.

Ed: Hey! Bastard!

the golden haired teenager called as he stomped into the large house, slamming the door behind him. His bag of books was dropped unceremoniously in the hall, along with his long red jacket.

_Ok, serously who calls their father "Bastard"?_

Ed: Bastard! Where are you? I'm home!

Sin counter 2.

Al: He's gone, Ed.

said a taller, sandy-haired boy, walking into the entryway.

Al: Why are you home so late, anyway? You were supposed to be here an hour ago.

Ed: Don't remind me. What's for dinner?

the shorter teen muttered, clomping down the hall into the kitchen.

Al: It's your day to make it, big brother.

_Ok, how old are these kids and why is he calling the short one older brother?_

ED: Damn!

banging a fist down on the table. It landed with a hollow, metallic 'clunk.'

_Clunk? Why does he have a metal arm?_

Ed: Aargh!

he growled, ripping off one of his gloves to examine the metallic hand underneath.

_Oh, I retraced my last statement._

Ed: Good, no damage.

Al: Ah... I can make dinner if you want... You should calm down a bit.

said the brunet, backing up. He didn't want to mess with Ed in one of his rages.

_Yeah God forbid he might kill someone or something, or poison your food._

Ed: No, it's good. I'll cook.

sighed Ed, getting up wearily and beginning to search the refrigerator for food. A few minutes later, he emerged looking even more frustrated than before.

Ed: There's no damned food, Al!

he shouted, slamming the door.

Al: ...You were the one who was doing the shopping this week.

Ed: Urgh! Dammit!

_Once again pissing off the "Older" Brother._

yelled the shorter teen, banging both of his fists on the table.

Al looked at him strangely.

Al: Why are you so mad, anyway?

His brother wasn't usually so temperamental; he only got like this when somebody had really annoyed him.

_ Ok, not so temperamental, right like him coming home all pissed off for nothing and calling your so called father a bastard for nothing? And where is the father when all of this is happening?!_

Ed: You know the counselor, Ms. Vyen?

His brother nodded.

Ed: Well, she called me in after school and told me that it seemed like something was "bothering me." He formed quote marks with his hands as he said the last two words.

Ed: She wanted to know if I needed to have a little "chat" about anything that was on my mind.

Al couldn't suppress a snort.

Al: That's it? That's what's gotten you all pissed off?

His older brother slumped lower in the seat.

Ed: She said if I keep acting up, I could get expelled... which is ridiculous! I've only gotten into a couple of fights this year! And those were only with that jerk, Russell! She has no right to order me around like that! And then she asked me if anything was bothering me at home. Apparently she thinks that the bastard is abusive and that's why I keep getting in fights.

He got up again and began pacing angrily.

_Ok, a couple of fights, is a nice term for a lot._

Al: Ed... you really shouldn't fight with him.

Sin counter 3.

Ms. Ross: Can anyone give me the correct definition of this suffix, and who you would use it for?

Suddenly, the door burst open, and a blonde teenager with a braid rushed in. He was followed by a taller sandy-haired boy. Their bookbags were slung rather haphazardly on their shoulders, and both were panting.

Ed: Sorry, Ms. Ross. We had to stay late at school.

Ms. Ross: It's fine, boys. Just take your seats.

replied the teacher, smiling kindly at them. The two teenagers nodded and walked to the back of the room as Ms. Ross continued the review as though nothing had happened. After the class had ended, Ms. Ross summoned both teens to her desk.

Ms. Ross: Edward, Alphonse, Why were you two late?

Ed: We had to stay at school for a while.

Al: My big brother got in a fight with Russell again.

He motioned to the shorter teen's bruised knuckles and split lip.

_ Again?! Seriously?! Man he gets into more fights then the rock or Jackie chain, or everyone hates Chris. But it's still ridiculous._

Ms. Ross: Ed...

sighed the teacher, exasperated.

Ed: It wasn't my fault! He insulted Al, and called me short, and, and-

_Oh, dear God really, over being called short?! God your hopeless._

Ms. Ross: No excuses, please.

Ed: But he's a JERK! He has no right to-

Ms. Ross: Look, Ed. I'm not denying that Russell's a jerk. I'm just saying that you need to stop getting into these fights at school.

Ed: I know. I'm sorry. I'll try and be better about it.

_Yeah, no he still going to get into fights, he's just going to do it secretly. _

Ms. Ross: Good. Now the real reason I asked you both to stay was because you two were both invited to travel to Japan as foreign exchange students.

Al and Ed: WHAT?! Are you serious?!

Ms. Ross: I am. Weren't you aware of this opportunity?

Al: Well...I knew the trip was offered, but I never thought we would get it.

Ms. Ross: You two are my best two students. So, I felt it was only fair to give you two the offer. You know, if you don't want to go, you only have to say so.

_Best students?! Maybe the tall younger brother, but the short "Older" brother he gets into trouble a lot is it wise to send the little wolverine with him?_

Ed: Of COURSE we want to go! When can we leave?

He was already mentally listing the items he would need to pack.

Ms. Ross: Your flight is leaving on the first of January, and we already have the tickets paid for. You guys just need to talk to you dad about this, and find out if it's okay with him. Here's your packets.

_ Wait... already paid for? How rich is this school?! And wasn't their house a small house?! How do they afford the school?! I wish I was that lucky!_

She shoved a thick folder filled with many colored papers at them.

Ms. Ross: Make sure you don't lose anything. And, if you can go, we need to arrange your passports.

Ed: Great! I can't wait!

Grabbing the folder and hurrying out the doors.

Ms. Ross: Ed! Don't forget to ask your father.

Sin counter 4.

Ed: Hellooooooooo bastard!

_Once again calling the father a bastard , disrespectful. _

Ed shouted as soon as he came through the doors. A bearded blonde man came clomping down the stairs. He had a square face partly covered with a short beard.

Hohenheim: Hello, boys.

he said politely. He looked tired, with dark smudges beneath both of his eyes.

Ed: You know, you should really-

Al: We got invited to go to Japan as foreign exchange students.

Their father looked intrigued.

Hohenheim: Really?

Ed: Yeah. All you need to do is sign these forms and then we'll be out of your hair.

Hohenheim :Have you read any of this?

Ed: No. That's your job, bastard. You're our dad.

_If my children ever said that I would smack them upside the head! But like in the little rascals "If we were your kids we would punish ourselves!"_

Sin counter 5.

Ed: Here ya go, Ms. Ross.

slapping the folder on her desk. It was after the Japanese class, and the teacher had once again asked them to stay.

Ed: All signed and ready to go.

Al: And here are our passports.

supplied Al, setting down two small burgundy booklets. The teacher opened one and looked it over. It was a standard European Union passport, containing the name of their country, Germany, and its seal, along with a list of all other countries in the EU and the word 'passport' in several different languages. On the identification page, there was a picture of a blonde teenager grinning confidently at the camera.

Name: Edward Elric

DOB: October 11, 1990

Nationality: German

_Wait if their nationality is German, then why are they studding Japanese?! I mean were they planing on this boy's to go on the trip already?_

Sin counter 6.

The teenager had scrawled a large signature at the bottom of the page.

Ms. Ross: These look good! I'm surprised you were able to get them so quickly.

Ed: Ah, well. Our bastard dad has some uses after all.

Al: Ed! Be nice!

admonished Al, hitting him lightly on the arm. Ms. Ross smiled slightly.

Ms. Ross: You really shouldn't call your father a bastard.

_That's tree times calling him a bastard, poor guy. It's not his fault raising that no good child._

she told the golden-haired teen.

Ed: But he is! He's always busy with his stupid chemistry and he barely even talks to us! He doesn't even bother cooking! All he does is take up space with his stupid experiments and yell at us if we even go near them! We've been pretty much living on our own since mom died! And it was his damn chemicals that started the fire! It's all his fault!

_Well here a tip little smart ass, don't go near them it's as simple as that! God your a retard._

Alphonse winced at the not-so-subtle allusion to his mother's death, while Ed sobered slightly.

Ms. Ross: I'm sorry, boys. I think your host family will be better.

Al: Who is it?

Ms. Ross: Well, you two will be staying with the Rockebells. Pinako Rockbell is a cutting-edge mechanic whose work focuses mainly on prosthetics. Her granddaughter, Winry, is about your age, Al. She goes to Amestris High, the same school you both will be attending.

Ed: Really? So she works on developing artificial limbs?...This should be interesting...

He flexed his left arm.

Mrs. Ross smiled.

Ms. Ross: And Ed...

Ed: Yes?

Ms. Ross: You have to behave. I was only able to secure this trip from your school if I promised you would be sent back as soon as you got in trouble. So be good. One fight, and it's over.

_Oh, yeah that teach him, like that did him any good now. And he got into as many fights as Jakie Chain!_

She looked at him sternly.

Ms. Ross: Understand? This is a great opportunity, and I don't want you to miss out if you can't control your temper.

Ed looked angry for a second, and then seemed to deflate.

Ed: You're right, Ms. Ross. I'll do my best.

Ms. Ross: Great. Good luck, boys, and have a great trip. Just remember, keep your tickets safe. January first is only a few days away.

Al: Thanks, Ms. Ross. I can't wait!

Ed nodded his agreement.

Ms. Ross: And boys, since this is the last time I'll be seeing you before you leave, be safe.

She pulled both teenagers into a warm embrace.

Ed: Bye.

replied Ed, extricating himself as quickly as he could. He grabbed his bag and coat and ran to the door, followed by his brother.

Ed and Al: See ya in three months!

Sin counter 7.

Winry : Are you two Edward and Alphonse Elric?

she asked in Japanese, cocking her head to the side and looking them both up and down. Al nodded, blushing slightly.

Al: Yes, I am... that is... we are.

His brother smirked and nudged him in the ribs. Al had a terrible tendency to get tongue-tied in front of pretty girls.

_Aww already a love story, but it's to bad they have to go back to Germany in three mounths._

Ed: I'm Edward and this is Alphonse. Who're you?

_Who are you? Really?! He should of known it's Winry, I mean she told him before the left school. Ms. Ross: Well, you two will be staying with the Rockebells. Pinako Rockbell is a cutting-edge mechanic whose work focuses mainly on prosthetics. Her granddaughter, Winry, is about your age, Al. She goes to Amestris High, the same school you both will be attending. _

Winry: I'm Winry Rockbell.

Winry: You guys are going to be staying with me and my grandma while you're here.

Winry: But isn't Edward supposed to be the older one?

Ed: I am the older one.

Winry:...Oh. Sorry.

Ed: It's all right. Happens all the time.

_Oh, surprise surprise no Hell fire? No explosions? No ahhhh?_

Winry: Ah, Ed...The front's this way.

Ed: You think she's preeeeeeeetty.

Al: Shut up, nii-san!

Ed: You looooooove her.

Ed: You want her to have your baaaaaaaabies.

Al: That's disgusting.

Winry: Not for yooooooooooooooou.

Ed: At least I don't have a crush on some chick I've only just met.

_You go girl tell those boys what for! Ok, who honestly says "You want her to have your babies?_

Al: I think you do,You're just jealous.

Ed:...of what?

Al: She looked at me when she was talking to us.

Ed: Did not! She looked at me!

Al: See! You do like her!

Ed: I do not! That's gross!

Al:What? You like boys?

_He has know idea how hard he hit that nail on the head._

Ed: ...No! That's not what I meant!

Al: Suuuuure...

Ed: Aaargh.

Sin counter 8.

Winry: Grandma! This is Edward Elric and this is Alphonse.

Pinako: Oh, it's been so long since I've seen you last! Both of you were only this big!

Pinako: Of course, you haven't grown much.

Ed: ...Who are you?

_So, apparently she knows you stupid! _

Pinako: Oh, how silly of me! Of course you wouldn't remember me; we met when you were just babies. I'm Pinako Rockbell. I'm a good friend of your mother. How is she, anyway? And Hohenheim- how has he been doing?

_So, Ironically the school is making them go to a family that knows there mother... creepy much... _

Al: Ah... our mom... died."

Pinako: I can tell this isn't a story for the middle of the airport. Let's wait until we get home.

Winry had run ahead to get the door, and was being greeted by a large black-and-white mutt with a prosthetic leg.

Winry: Stop it, Den!

Pinako: Come on boys.

Pinako: Shoes off at the door.

Pinako: Onigiri, anyone?

Winry: Sure!

Winry: Onigiri is... rice balls. Sometimes they're wrapped in nori, which is...

She looked towards Pinako for help.

Pinako: Seaweed.

Al: ...We'll try some…..

Ed was busy getting acquainted with the Rockbell's dog, who was wagging his tail happily at the teenager.

Winry: This is Den. He lost his leg when he was just a puppy, so grandma made him a new one.

Ed: Mmph... this is good!

Pinako: I'm glad you like it. Now, What were you saying about your mother?

_Well, at lest they waited until they got home from the airport. But this is the saddest story ever. Though it doesn't bet Attack on Titan. _

Al: She... died.

Al: It was when I was ten, and Ed was eleven. There was a big fire, and...

Ed: We were all in the house. It was really late, and we were all asleep, except for Dad. He was in his lab, working with some weird chemicals. Except, he forgot that he left the naptha by the kerosene burner, and it fell over... It practically blew up the whole house.

Ed: I still don't know how the bastard escaped - he maintains it was pure luck. Mom never had a chance, the bedroom was right next to the lab.

Ed: Me and Al had the upstairs bedroom, and we didn't know the house was on fire 'til almost too late. As it was... I lost an arm and a leg, and Al was stuck in a coma for more than a year.

Winry: That's awful!

Ed: You don't have to tell me.

Al: Nii-san opted for amputation.

Al: He said he'd rather lose the limbs than have to deal with the skin-grafting and restoration. So they made him prosthetics.

Pinako: I am very sorry about Trisha. She was a good woman.

Pinako: How has your father been?

Ed: He doesn't care. All he does is spend time at his work or in his room. He doesn't even take time to talk to us. That bastard.

Pinako: Don't call him that, Edward. I'm sure he grieves for her just as much as you do.

Ed: Which explains why he never visited us in the hospital.

Pinako: Don't worry, Edward, Alphonse. You'll have a much better time here, in Japan.

Edward stood uncomfortably in front of the mirror, feeling like a suited monkey in his dress pants and white collared shirt. His hair was done up neatly in a braid, and he had traded his usual platform shoes for more normal-looking sneakers. He felt a nervous.

Winry: Ed! We're leaving!

Ed: Coming!

Winry: Took you long enough!

Ed: Sorry.

Sin counter 9

Marcoh: We have had the honor to receive two exchange students from Germany this quarter. One of these outstanding boys has been placed in our class. Stand up, Edward, and come to the front.

Marcoh: Class, this is Edward Elric. I want you all to treat him nicely and make him feel welcome.

Marcoh: Now, onto other matters. The tennis team has a meeting this afternoon, for those who are interested in joining...

she paused for a moment, evidently trying to find the right words.

Noah: ...eccentric.

Ed: What?

Noah: You'll find out.

Barry: You're LATE!

He backed away from the insane-looking teacher.

Noah: Ah... Nikuya-sensei... we have passes...

Barry: How many times have I told you - call me BARRY! I don't care about your passes! I would just love to chop you up into little tiny pieces...Just sit down somewhere. As I was saying before we were so rudely interrupted, today we will be learning the assorted prepositions. In the English language, a preposition is a word that describes something's position. They usually come before nouns. I will write some examples of English prepositions on the board. Repeat them after me. Before.

Class: Before.

Barry: LOUDER! BEHIND!

Class: BEHIND!

Barry: Better. BELOW!

Class: BELOW!

Guy with ponytail: 'Demented octopus-head'? Haha! That's a good one!

Envy: Ling, you freak! Get over here! Where were you during homeroom? You missed our grand entrance! And, guess what? We're sitting with the cute little German exchange student!

Ling: Hey, Roy, Octopus-head. I was really late today. Sorry... We got an exchange student? Cool. He's pretty... are you sure he's a guy?

Roy: Now that you mention it... If he took down his hair...

Envy: It's okay Edo-kun, you don't look girly. But you would look pretty with your hair down.

The blond: Hey, Mustang.

Roy: Hi.

Roy: Guys, this is Ed Elric. He's that new German exchange student.

The red head: Cool.

The blond: Hi, Ed. I'm Havoc, this is Fuery, and that thug is Breda.

Havoc: We're on the varsity baseball team. Do you play?

Ed: Ah... no, I don't.

Breda: Damn.

Fuery : That's okay.

Female Blond with a clip in hair: Hey guys!

All but Ed, and Envy: Hey Riza.

Roy: Ed, this is Riza Hawkeye, Havoc's girlfriend. Riza, this is Ed Elric. He's the new German exchange student.

Riza: Hi, Ed. I hope you had a good first day.

Ed: It was okay. Most of my teachers were totally psycho, though.

Ling: He can talk!

Roy: Wow, Riza. That's the longest sentence he's said all day that wasn't yelling.

Riza turned to look at what Envy was reading.

Riza: Gravitation? Do you... um... know what that's about?

Envy: Uh, yeah.

Riza: Have fun with that, then.

Roy: So, Envy... What's that about, anyway? I've never heard of that manga.

Envy: Here.

Roy: The shonen-ai smash hit'? Haha. Nice, Envy.

Envy: Sloth got it for me for my birthday.

Ling: Lemme see!

Ed: What's shonen-ai?

Roy: Envy, why don't you let Ed borrow your book so he can see what shonen-ai is.

Envy: Sure! Here you go, Edo-kun!

Ed: Um... thanks.

Ling: Why aren't you eating anything?

Ed: I'm not really hungry.

Ling: Can I have it, then?

Ed: Um... sure.

Ling: Awesome! Itadakimasu!

Ling began shoveling food into his mouth at an amazingly fast rate.

Envy looked up at him, disgusted.

Envy: Pig.

Ling: Takes one to know one!

Male figure: Hello, Envy-kun. I missed you today.

Envy: Greed.

Roy: That's Envy's brother. He's a creep.

Ed: I'd noticed.

Greed: Who's this, bakemono?

Envy: None of your business.

Greed: Well then. Since you won't be polite and introduce us, I'll have to do it myself. I'm Greed. Who might you be?

Ed: Edward Elric. I'm from Germany.

Greed: Really? If the guys there are all as pretty as you, I might have to take a trip there sometime.

Envy: Leave him alone, freak!

Ling: Don't you have class now, Greed?

Greed: It's my lunch means I can stay with my wonderful Envy and the hot little exchange student until the bell rings.

Envy: Go away, Greed. Leave us alone.

Greed: Ah, but I don't feel like it.

cuddling even closer to Envy.

Greed: I'd rather be with you.

Roy: He wants you to leave.

cracking his knuckles

Roy: I suggest you do so. Immediately. Now. Remember what happened last time?

* * *

>Greed: Fine, fine.<p><p>

"Hey, Edo! What class do you have next?"

Sin counter 10

"Hey! O'chibi-san!"

"Hi Envy. Where's the teacher?"

"I dunno. He's usually in here."

"Trust me... You really don't want to talk to him."

"Why?"

"Heh."

"He's..

"CRAZY!"

"Yaaah!

"What the hell?"

"I think I'm deaf in this ear now...

"Haha... That was great... But seriously, he's psycho."

"Good afternoon, you two! What are you here for?"

"Um..

"I'm... new, I guess."

"Oh really? Where did you transfer from?"

"Ah... I'm actually an exchange student from Germany."

WAY too close... Personal bubble space

he suddenly burst out into a joyful smile.

"Why, I too am from Germany! My family has lived there for generations! Where did you live? How was your trip?"

"Help... Envy..."

Child molester!

"So, tell me all about where you live."

"Ah... Just outside Munich... In a mansion-y type place... could you please put me down now?"

"Oh."

"My family has lived in Berlin for generations. But no matter. I am Alex Louis Armstrong, and I shall be your physical education teacher!"

"Right.

"And you,"

"Why aren't you changing?"

"I don't have my uniform.

"And why don't you?"

"My uncle ate it."

"You're... not serious,... are you?"

"I am serious, dammit."

"I've had enough of your lame excuses."

"It's not an excuse!"

"I don't care. Dean's."

"Fuck you."

"The youth these days...

"Now, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Ah... right. I'm in your phys. ed class and I don't have a uniform yet."

"That is no problem!"

"I shall see that another uniform is delivered immediately!"

"There's a little... problem... with that, sir."

"And what would that be?"

"Hang on..."

"Here."

"I had no idea you had such a tragic past!"

Sin counter 11

"Hehe... Nikuya-sensei?"

"You kind of get used to it... although nobody's gotten him mad enough to see if he'll actually chop them up."

"No wonder... knowing him, he'd do it like that."

Ed snapped his fingers.

"Yeah, no kidding."

"Anyway, I gotta go to my locker. See ya!"

"Bye."

"I'm so glad we're having a snow day!"

"Me too."

"I'll be glad as soon as we get home, where it's warm."

Al quipped, cheeks pink from the chill.

And thus ends my first day of school...

Sin counter 12

Edward awoke the next morning to a beautiful sight. The neighborhood was blanketed with at least a foot of snow. He jumped out of bed and threw on his winter clothes. he clomped down the stairs, only to hear from Pinako that Winry and Al were already outside, and stumbled out into a world of glistening white. His admiration of the scene was interrupted with a bang - a snowball flew at Ed with precision and force, thwacking him in the back of his head. Hard.

"Owwww!"

the blonde wailed, clutching his head.

"What the hell was that for?"

he squawked, looking around wildly from the hidden assailant.

Laughter echoed from behind the porch. Ed turned to see Winry, doubled over in mirth.

"That was great!"

she gasped, unable to stop laughing.

"You didn't see a thing!"

"AAAUGH!"

"What the HELL?"

"Al? My own brother?"

"All right!

"This is WAR! BANZAAAAAAAAIIIIIII!"

Sin counter 13

"Looks like she's working on her 'project'."

"Do you guys want hot chocolate?"

"What project?"

"Oh, it's nothing, really.

"Um... can you just put water in mine?"

"Sure, I guess."

"Seriously, though. What's the 'project'?"

"Well, Granny works on prosthetics, and she's managed to develop limbs that actually connect to the nervous system. You have those, right? The 'automail'?"

"She's trying to make prosthetics that can actually send sensations to the nervous systems, so amputees can regain their sense of touch. And she's developing an artificial skin covering so the limbs look real."

"She's actually gotten pretty close, surprisingly."

"So, do you help her?"

"Sometimes."

"I'm a pretty good automail mechanic, so Granny lets me work on her customers lots of times."

"Do you think when she's done..."

"...she would let me try it out? Her new invention?"

"That's why you're here!"

Sin counter 14

So. Ed thought. Time to find out what shonen-ai is. He was curled up in front of a cheerily crackling fire, being warmed and at the same time comforted by the flames. He began to read. 'Destiny is unstoppable. I've tried laughter, I've tried tears; but it always overpowers me. It doesn't care a thing about my fears, it takes my love, and it devours me.' By the thirtieth page, Ed was totally engrossed by the story. Of course, it was a little bit weird when Shuichi and Hiroshi pretended to be lovers, but that was just an act to get them out of class, right?

By the seventy-first page, Ed was still immersed in the thickening plot, but a little bit confused. Why is Shuichi obsessing about that guy so much? He even ran out in front of his car! And, who is that guy anyway?

At the ninety-second page, the teenager was beginning to suspect he knew what shonen-ai was. And by the one hundred fifteenth page, he was positive. 'You really have a thing for this guy.' Hiroshi was saying. 'Why don't you just tell him you're in love?' Ed shut the book and put it aside, thinking. So that's what it is. I probably should have known - shonen-ai pretty much translates into 'boys love'. Well, I don't need to read any more after that. But his curiosity got the better of him, and he once again found himself captivated by the manga.

Finally, reaching the last page, Ed shut the paperback with a muffled thump, looking frustrated.

"It's a damn cliffhanger!"

he grumbled, throwing the manga across the room.

"What happens next?"

"What was a cliffhanger, nii-san?"

Ed blushed.

"Nothing. Never mind."

"I'm going to bed."

"Night, nii-san."

I really, really want to find out what happens next. But... does that make me gay?

"Morning, Ed."

"So..."

"Did you find out what shonen-ai was?"

"Yeah..."

"Here."

"Envy hasn't had any coffee. Or energy drinks. Or caffeine pills."

"He's not a morning person."

'MmphgargleRoymmph...g'way.'

"Don't mind him."

"We usually go get coffee or something before we go to school, but Envy wanted to get here early today."

"Something about his mom being a bitch. We won't hear the full story until he can actually function.

"Good morning, class."

"I have a few very important announcements, but they need to wait until after I've called roll."

"Elric, Edward."

"Here."

"Um... I think he's fallen asleep.

Marcoh: Someone wake him up, please.

"Envy."

"Wake up!"

Envy kept sleeping.

He leaned down and whispered something into Envy's ear, his malicious grin growing wider.

"WHAT?!

"Liar."

"What did you tell him?

"I told him you were off in the bathroom, making out with Ling."

"WHAT?!"

"Bastard.

"Why the hurry?"

"I'm going to class."

"And I'm going with you.

"Or we could just ditch."

"What?"

"Ditch?"

"Yes. Ditch. It's when you find something better to do than class. Nikuya-sensei's such a spazz he probably won't even notice we're not there."

"No way."

"Fine."

"It's your loss, chibi-face."

"STOP CALLING ME SHORT!

Sin counter 15

"I'm bored."

"...So?"

the mystery person - Ling? - asked.

"So I want something to do."

"Well then, occupy yourself."

his companion replied in a monotone.

"Psst! Hey, Edo!"

The teenager turned to see Envy leaning forward, looking mischievous.

"Hey, Ed. Guess what?"

"What."

Ed deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

"You turn me on."

Envy told him, as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

The teenager blushed for what seemed like the millionth time as he turned back around to face the front. He can't be serious.

"Psst!"

Envy was calling him again.

Against his better judgment, Ed turned around, slightly afraid of what he might see.

The androgynous teenager was grinning wickedly as he held up a closed fist. Ever so slowly, he raised his index finger until it was fully erect, looking straight at Ed all the while. (1)

"What?"

Apparently Envy's action was supposed to mean something, but he didn't get it.

The teenager repeated his gesture, and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh."

Ed's face grew hot, and he turned away quickly, embarassed. He sunk into his seat and prayed the class would end soon.

"What?"

Ed asked, turning to face Envy. He couldn't help the small blush that rose to his face as their eyes met - he was still embarrassed from the events in English.

Envy gestured to his unopened milk carton.

"Why aren't you drinking it?"

"Oh. Heh."

"Milk's just gross."

"You don't like milk?"

"No. Why?"

"It's just that Envy likes milk. A lot."

"It's delicious.

"I'll bet. You would know, wouldn't you?"

"Oh, I do, Ling. I do."

sin counter 16

"Hey, new kid!"

"You hang out with Roy and Envy, right?"

"Um... yes?"

"Good."

"Sit down."

"I'm Clara."

"Ed."

"Anyway,"

"You said you hung out with Roy. He used to be my boyfriend."

"That's nice."

"Yeah, he was good in bed."

"Um..."

"But he dumped me."

"Me. Homecoming queen, fashion model, the sexiest girl at this school."

"I'm... sorry?"

"What I want to know is why. You can find out why that little bastard left me.

"How am I supposed to find out?"

And why do you care so much?

"I don't care."

"Just do it."

"It's a big deal because he dumped me. And I have ways of making people do what I want."

"Like what?"

"I know everyone's secrets."

"That's nice."

"Just you wait, Elric. I'll make your life hell."

Sin counter17

"This is so boooring..."

"You didn't have to come.

"Or drag me along with you..."

"Envy, this is study time, not naptime."

"I am studying, Grand-sensei."

"Studying is having a book out."

"Maa, fuck you."

Ed looked at him strangely.

"You didn't bring anything?"

"Nope."

Envy replied cheerfully.

"Why? It's not like anyone does anything in study session. They just come 'cuz the teacher's tell them to. It's not even required."

"I thought study session was required."

"No."

"The teachers 'srongly recommend' them, but they can't make us go. Envy and I usually ditch, but he wanted to come today."

"I guess they're good if your grades are bad..."

"My grades are bad. And this shit never helped me."

"Stop that! No wonder these don't help you; you don't even do anything."

He looked at the page to see that Envy had drawn a sketch of a palm tree over the periodic table.

Envy stuck his tongue out at Ed.

Hey, Roy. Whatever happened to your bitch of a girlfriend?

Roy: Who cares? Clara's just a slut.

"I don't think she feels the same way, Roy."

Ed spoke up quietly.

"What? You don't even know her!"

Ed: I do now. She confronted me in my IT class.

Roy rolled his eyes.

"Oh geez. What's she saying now?"

Ed: She wanted me to find out why you broke up with her.

"What did she bribe you with?"

Envy asked, rolling over onto his back and leaning towards the two boys.

"Not sex, right?"

Ed: Not bribed, actually. Threatened."

Roy: Oh no.

Roy rolled his eyes.

Roy: Not the whole 'I know all your secrets' crap."

Ed: Exactly.

Envy: We really need to do something about that bitch.

"Let's make a plan."

18

"Is he a senior?"

Roy asked curiously.

"He's taller than you."

A dangerous aura seemed to emanate from Ed.

"No, he's my younger brother."

he muttered, glaring.

Envy laughed and hailed Alphonse.

"Shut up."

Ed muttered.

When Winry reached the trio, cheeks pink from the biting wind, she delivered her message.

The teenager shrugged.

"Sure."

he replied, shouldering his bag.

"Hi Roy."

Winry greeted the dark-haired teenager breathlessly, cheeks a little pinker than they had been before. Roy waved languidly in response.

"Heeey, Winry-babe."

Envy leered at her mockingly.

"Envy."

she said sourly, trying her best to ignore him.

"Bye, guys!"

Ed called, grabbing Winry and Al and pulling them behind him as he walked away. He had noticed the not-so-concealed animosity between Winry and Envy, and wanted to get them away from each other before a real fight could begin.

"See ya tomorrow!"

19

Winry rolled her eyes. If you could, you would. You were probably fantasizing about him or something.

Was not! wrote Ed angrily, blushing slightly.

The pony tailed girl rolled her eyes a second time. Denial is bad for your health.

I am NOT in denial!

You like him and you know it, shorty.

The teenager's eyes narrowed, and a dangerous aura began to emanate from his small body.

he yelled loudly, crumpling the note until it was mangled beyond recognition.

"Shut up!"

Winry hissed.

Ed was poked none-too-gently by the person behind him.

came a soft voice from over his shoulder.

The blonde boy's shoulders stiffened, but he didn't turn around or reply. Ed could feel the other teenager's presence way too close to him, making his shoulders prickle slightly. Soon the feeling abated, and the golden-eyed highschooler took a breath of relief. A creased piece of paper landed in front of him, Winry having just scribbled a message on it.

See what I mean?

Ed felt himself getting frustrated, but managed to restrain his anger. No, I don't.

The reply came quickly. Oh, Ed. You're being ridiculous.

You're the one who's ridiculous. I don't like Envy, I never have, and I never will! He wrote the words so fiercely that the pen almost ripped through the paper.

Denial, Ed… Think about his sexy purple eyes and his spiky green hair… and his crop top and his mini-skort and his toned muscles…

The shorter teen could barely refrain from drooling as images of a smirking Envy came unbidden into his mind. As soon as he realized this, he got even more flustered. He was falling into his friend's trap. Shut up, Winry! The note was flung angrily at her head.

came a voice from behind him.

Ed determinedly kept himself from turning around. He felt the sharp end of a pen poke him repeatedly in his shoulder. The jabbing grew progressively harder, until…

"What!"

the blonde hissed, turning around angrily.

He came face-to-face with Envy's feral purple eyes.

"You have a bug in your hair."

stated the green-haired boy, grinning lopsidedly.

"Turn back around and don't move."

"Why?"

asked Ed, already complying.

"Lemme get it out."

murmured the taller teenager, sitting straighter and moving closer to his classmate.

Ed's scalp tingled where Envy ran his long, tapered fingers through his hair. He barely kept himself from trembling but was unable to keep a blush from rising to his cheeks. Finally, the boy's slim digits were removed from his golden locks.

"Got it."

said Envy, retreating back to his desk.

"Thanks."

muttered Ed, not turning around lest Envy notice his face was bright red.

Another crumpled note landed in front of him. Told you so.

20

"Ed! It's for you!"

"Hello?"

"Hello, Edward."

"Um... hi."

"Why are you calling?"

"Shouldn't a concerned father be able to call his sons who are living in Japan?"

"Yeah, but you're not a concerned father.

"You wound me.

"But aside from that, how have you been?"

"Fine, I guess."

"That's good."

"School is good, I'm assuming. Have you made any friends?"

"Yeah."

"Are they nice?"

"Edward?"

"Yeah, they're cool."

"That's good. Is there a girl you like?"

"What?"

"Um... no."

"Well, is there someone that likes you?"

"Uh, no. I don't think so."

"Farewell, son

21

"Wow, you scared me."

she said weakly, putting a hand to her heart.

The teenager looked at her strangely.

"Why are you even in my room?"

he asked, confused.

"Oh."

The blonde gave a nervous laugh, and shrugged.

"Well... You hang out with Envy and Roy, right?"

Ed had to make an effort to restrain himself from rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, I do."

he replied in a weary voice.

"And I think you're at least the third person that's asked me that in the past week."

Winry grinned slightly.

"Sorry. It's just that..."

She paused and bit her lip.

"It's just that what?"

"Well... I dunno."

She gave a slight shrug, and Ed gave her a look.

"There are some weird rumors going around about them that I thought you should hear. Since you hang around them and all."

She blinked up at Ed, as if asking his permission to continue.

The teenager raised an eyebrow. (2)

Winry took this as 'permission to continue'.

"Ed, Envy was a pretty hardcore druggie last year, and the people I know who went to midschool with him say he was even worse there. Some people even say he killed this one kid when he was ten, and he got sent to prison."

Ed stared at her for a moment, then, unable to help himself, began to laugh.

"What's next?"

he scoffed.

"Are you going to tell me that he and Roy eat babies for breakfast, or something?"

The blonde glared at him.

"Look. I'm trying to help you. You don't know what you got yourself into when you started hanging out with them."

The undeniable truth contained in those words was enough to sober Ed. He sighed.

"You're right. I have absolutely no idea about these people's pasts. So could you please finish telling me?"

he asked humbly. Although I sincerely doubt that Envy killed some guy when he was in fourth grade.

Mollified, Winry continued.

"And last year, Envy got Roy into drugs too. They were the terrors of the school. Everyone was afraid of getting noticed by Envy or Roy, because their life would be hell for the rest of the year. Even the teachers were scared of them."

She paused for a moment.

"Of course, they've changed a lot this year. They're not into drugs and stuff anymore, or at least not as obvious about it, and they've mostly stopped bullying people. But... a few months ago, there was this kid named Toru Okawa. (3) He was either really brave, really stupid, or both, because he went around the school telling people that Envy was gay with Roy and that he had seen them having sex out behind the science building. Once they found out, they cornered him after school in the parking lot. And he never came back. But that was before Ling came. I think they've calmed down a bit since then..."

This sounds like some kind of messed up soap opera... Ed thought, immediately ridiculing the whole story. However, he couldn't get rid of the slight feeling of uneasiness - how much could he trust Envy and Roy?

22

"Hey, Ed?"

"Hmm?"

the teenager asked, opening his eyes. He had been dozing off on his desk - it was only homeroom and he had arrived at least twenty minutes early. Ed looked up to see Noah, dressed as immaculately as ever, holding her books to her chest and looking down at him.

"Um, hey, Noah."

The girl smiled shyly.

"May I sit here?"

she asked, gesturing to the desk next to Ed's.

Ed shrugged.

"Sure, I guess, but Envy usually grabs it."

"Oh."

"But Envy and Roy probably won't be here for at least another fifteen minutes, so feel free to sit."

"Thanks."

"Hey..."

"Yeah?"

"I noticed that you've been hanging out with Envy and Roy a lot.

"Did Winry put you up to this?"

"Who's Winry?"

"Eheh... Never mind."

"Keep talking.

"Ed, Envy and Roy are dangerous."

"How so?"

"I-I..."

"They..."

"Be careful, Ed.

23

"Oh no!"

Sheska-sensei cried as she opened her drawer. The class looked up expectantly, hoping that something interesting might have happened.

"We have no paper left!"

The mousy brown-haired teacher looked close to tears.

"How can we do our assignment with no paper?"

The highschoolers groaned - they had thought it was something important.

"Big deal..."

someone in the back muttered.

"I was really hoping to get you guys started on the covers for your book reports."

Sheska sobbed, laying her head on her desk in despair.

"But now I can't! I'm so useless! The principal will fire me!"

Ed stared. What the hell? He knew lots of people got worked up about nothing, but this was just ridiculous. Finally, getting tired of the short woman's incessant sobbing, he stood up.

"I'll go get some paper, Sheska-sensei."

The bespectacled woman sat up, brightening immediately.

"Would you really?"

she asked.

"Um... yeah.

The teenager walked towards the door, ignoring the catcalls of 'teacher's pet' and 'goody two shoes'. After all, it made the teacher stop having a mental breakdown, and that, in Ed's opinion, was much more important.

As he walked down the hall, Ed debated where he should go to find paper. Finally, the teenager came to a room labeled 'Supplies'. He shrugged - this seemed as good a place as any - and put his hands to the door, preparing to push it open. Ed stopped when he heard voices inside. Maybe teachers are holding a meeting or something. he thought. I probably shouldn't interrupt whoever's in there... but that still doesn't stop me from listening! So he pressed his ear to the door and strained to catch the muffled voices.

"Do it.

a voice commanded from inside the supply closet. Envy?

"But I don't want to!"

another person whined. Ling? Ed cocked his head to the side, curious, and listened harder.

"Why the fuck not? It's not like anyone will hear us!"

the teenager hissed. Hear you what Ed wondered nervously.

"But it's hard!"

"Of course it's hard."

Envy replied matter-of-factly.

"It wouldn't be any fun if it wasn't."

"..."

By now, Ed was rigorously trying to suppress all the suggestive mental images his brain was providing for the two teenagers' argument.

"Come on. You'll never know until you try."

the androgynous teen wheedled.

"But this doesn't feel right!"

Oh God...

"...Are you still complaining about it being hard? It's supposed to be that way, dumbfuck."

The teenager was very close to banging his head repeatedly against the wall... or just leaving.

"Hey! It's just that I've never done something like this before."

"Yes you have! Remember last week?"

"Yeah, well, last week was different."

"Why? Because it was with Roy? You need your precious little pony to help you out?"

Here there was a snort of laughter.

Ed couldn't take it anymore; his curiosity was getting the better of him. Apprehensively, he pushed open the green-painted door, keeping his eyes down - just in case.

Envy's exuberant voice called. his eyes slowly, praying that he wouldn't see anything... x-rated. He breathed a small sigh of relief as he saw Envy, fully clothed, sitting comfortably with his back against the wall. Ling was sitting next to him, also fully clothed.

"So this is Ed?"

the man asked, his eyes crinkling into a smile.

"I've heard a lot about you - Envy can't seem to shut up."

"Right..."

Ed looking at Envy nervously.

"Oh! I should introduce you guys."

"DON'T CALL ME SHORT!"

Hughes held out a hand for Ed to shake, and Ed took it.

"I didn't know you guys had a band."

he said to Envy.

"Really?"

Ling asked wryly.

"That's another thing he can't shut up about. We're actually trying to get in some practice time now." The ponytailed teenager gestured to a keyboard that was propped up next to Hughes.

"Heh."

Ed smiled slightly. That explained the awkward conversation.

"Well, we would be practicing."

Envy spoke up, giving Ling a look.

"But pussy-face here thinks the music is too hard for him, and Roy-Roy's not here to help him."

Hughes rolled his eyes.

"Envy, it is a little difficult..."

"No, it's not. You know he can play this."

"Look, Envy, that's not the issue. Ling can play pretty much anything, but it takes time. We don't have time."

Ling looked from one to the other as they argued, still smiling.

"It would be nice if you guys could stop talking about me as though I wasn't here..."

he told them pleasantly, and was ignored.

Ed shuffled awkwardly, glancing around for paper. The argument grew louder and louder, and he debated whether to leave or not. Finally, it seemed as though someone had won, because both Hughes and Envy stopped talking.

The janitor finally noticed Ed again, once he had finished glaring at the brackish-haired teenager.

"Did you come in here to get something?"

he asked politely.

"Um, yeah."

the teenager replied.

"Sheska-sensei ran out of paper."

Hughes laughed.

"Not again."

"I got her this job, you know. She used to just work in a library, but she was fired because she read all day. She was great with kids though - that woman has patience like you wouldn't believe. So I dragged her over to this hellhole, and she got hired right away."

He finally dug out a big box and handed it to Ed.

"Sounds like somebody's in love."

Envy said sourly, pouting.

"Sounds like someboy's mad they lost the argument."

Hughes retorted.

"Um, thanks, Hughes."

Ed huffed slightly as he pushed open the door - that paper was heavier than it looked.

"Bye, chibi!"

Envy called, waving. Ling and Hughes waved also as Ed exited.

24

(Wednesday Afternoon)

"So."

said Clara as soon as he walked into his IT classroom.

"So what?"

Ed retorted, annoyed.

The senior glared menacingly at him.

"So, have you found out yet? Why Roy broke up with me... that bastard."

"No, I haven't." the teenager replied, moving to sit on the opposite side of the classroom.

Clara followed him and sat next to him.

"You know, I've been really lenient with you. I've asked you nicely, I reminded you, I haven't threatened you..."

Ed snorted.

"Okay, maybe I've threatened you a little bit, but I haven't used all my contacts and... helpers. I think you should appreciate how nice I've been to you."

The teenager whirled around to face her, his patience finally gone.

"Look - I'm tired of people trying to manipulate me about Roy and Envy. Why do you care so much, anyway? Roy probably dumped you 'cuz he found out what a bitch you really were. Now shut up, and leave me alone. I'm not doing anything for you."

Clara glared at him furiously, then stood up quickly, knocking down her chair.

"Fine."

she spat.

"Fine. Edward Elric - if you're not with me, than you're against me. Better watch out."

She whirled around on her heel and marched to the other side of the classroom, back straight.

Ed scoffed and turned back to his computer.

"Oh yeah, I'm totally scared."

"How come you don't have to change out?"

Envy whined. He was reclining against the gym wall next to Ed. The oversized shirt reading

"Central High"

and the mesh gym shorts looked awkward and graceless on his pale body.

Ed shrugged. He still didn't feel comfortable talking to Envy, after what Winry had told him.

The brackish-haired teenager leaned in and peered at him, looking slightly worred. \

"Are you okay?"

His purple eyes narrowed as they looked into Ed's golden ones.

"Yeah, sure."

Ed leaned away. Was that tobacco he smelled on Envy's breath? Or was it something else - had Envy been smoking something? ...Or, was is just his overactive imagination?

"Seriously... Ed."

Envy dropped all childishness from his voice as he stared at the teenager.

"I'm fine."

Ed replied, glaring at him. Can't everyone just leave me alone? What's their problem?

Envy sighed.

"Whatever you say."

He scooted away from the teenager and leaned against the wall again.

Ed wasn't sure whether he was relieved or hurt that Envy ignored him for the rest of the morning.

25

Ed hurried through the empty halls, his messenger bag slung over his shoulders. He felt a strange uneasiness - the school seemed empty, as nearly everyone was attending study session. The teenager allowed himself a smirk as he passed the classrooms full of studious highschoolers. He, himself, had an excuse - Pinako was helping an old friend pack for moving, and she had ordered him, Al, and Winry to come home as soon as possible to watch the house. Skipping study session was probably the only good thing that had happened the whole day - Envy had been ignoring him, Noah kept giving him weird looks, and Clara told him to 'watch out' during his IT class. What is wrong with my life? he asked himself. Then he smiled. Doesn't matter now. I'm going home early!

The smile left Ed's face as he was pushed roughly against a bank of lockers.

"What the hell?"

He turned angrily to see his assailant, and came face to face with three hulking senior boys.

"Um... Feel free to go on your merry little way."

the teenager said nervously, making shooing motions with his hands.

"Shut up."

one of the boys grunted, slamming Ed against the lockers again and jamming his elbow against the teenager's throat.

Why the hell are they attacking me? Ed asked himself as his head slammed against the cold metal of a locker door, causing stars to spark in front of his eyes. He gasped as the air was driven out of his lungs by a powerful punch. The only thing that stopped him from doubling over was the elbow pressed into his windpipe.

"Stop..."

He weakly kicked out in an effort to make the guy let go of him. Suddenly, the pressure against his throat was released and he sank to the ground, gasping gratefully for air. But the respite was short lived - as soon as he fell to the ground, one of the other seniors kicked his ribs.

"Aaah..."

Ed gasped.

A face materialized above him.

"This is what you get for defying me, Edward."

Clara said smugly, giving him a condescending look.

"Have at it, boys."

"Crazy... bitch..."

Ed gasped, before another well placed kick numbed his entire thigh. God... Help... I need help... he prayed desperately.

"Help... Envy..."

he cried weakly, before something hit his head and everything went black.

His eyes snapped back open and he saw stars when someone grabbed his braid and slammed him against the lockers.

"Look... lay off..."

he mumbled, trying to search for a way to defend himself. Ed's arms were raised weakly to try and ward off the unpredictable blows, but he was having little success so far. As a particularly nasty kick hit his shoulder, he let out a faint cry.

"Shut up."

one of the boys, blonde and bulky, grunted, covering Ed's mouth with a sweaty hand. But apparently his cry was enough to attract someone's attention, because suddenly:

"Hello, boys."

a smooth voice called from down the hall. Miraculously, the seniors stopped their merciless beating, and Ed took a shuddering breath before trying to see who his savior was. The voice sounded familiar, but he couldn't quite place it.

"It looks like you're having a lot of fun. May I ask what you might be doing?"

Was that Russell? The teenager shook his head. They must've hit me too hard, because I could have sworn it was him...

Ed heard two steps of footsteps stalking down the hall, and once again tried to see the people his assailants were so fascinated by. But his neck gave a slight twinge of pain, and he winced before going back to his former position, staring at the ceiling.

"It seemed to us like you were beating up on some poor kid. So we came to join the fun..."

the person continued, and Ed began to worry. Maybe it's not really people coming to save me. Maybe they're just more of Clara's thugs.

"After all, it's not fair when you've got them outnumbered."

The teenager breathed a sigh of relief.

"Envy...

The blonde senior backed up a step or two, away from the approaching figures.

"Roy... Look guys, we were just..."

"'We were just' what?"

Envy mocked. Envy, not Russell. I'm in Japan, now, remember? Ed reminded himself, trying to sit up and watch the inevitable fight.

"Look, it was just a job."

Now all three seniors looked nervous.

"Just a job."

Envy spat, stalking up to them.

"Just. A. Job."

He suddenly lunged towards the leading attacker and pinned him against the lockers - hard.

"Well, then, I guess it's just my job to kick your sorry little ass into next. Fucking. Week."

The brackish-haired teenager pressed up closely against the blonde thug, invading his personal space. His face was contorted with pure hatred.

"Ah... no... Really..."

the blonde made a few weak attempts to escape Envy's grip.

"Look, I can explain."

"I don't care about your fucking explanations."

Envy hissed. Abruptly, he flung the senior to the side, as though he were nothing more than a sack of potatoes.

"I am going to do to you what you did to Ed. And I'm going to have one hell of a time."

Ed's view of the fight was suddenly cut off by Roy, who had knelt down next to him.

"What happened?"

he asked, peering at Ed concernedly.

"They did."

the teenager answered wryly. He made as if to jerk his head in the direction of the fleeing seniors, but winced and thought better of it.

Roy gave a slight smile at Edward's attempt at a joke.

"Where does it hurt?"

The teenager couldn't resist snorting.

"Everywhere."

he answered sardonically.

"They kicked me a couple of times in the leg, once in the head, lots in the ribs..."

He gestured vaguely.

"What's Envy gonna do to them?"

"Nothing good, I can guarantee you that. When Envy gets mad, he gets mad. Trust me."

As he spoke, Roy cupped Ed's chin in his hands and turned his face towards the light.

"You, my friend, are going to have a nasty black eye tomorrow."

"Are you serious?"

I'm so screwed... Ed was practically panicking.

"I can't go home looking like this! What will Al and Winry and Pinako say?"

Roy grinned crookedly.

"Nothing, if they know what's good for them. Envy's still going on a homicidal rampage back there, and knowing him, he won't calm down until somebody's on the floor. Preferably unconscious and bleeding."

Ed winced, and he shrugged.

"That's Envy for you. If he likes you, he really likes you. He can be overprotective as hell."

Well, that definitely led credence to Winry's wild story that Envy had killed someone when he was ten. But still... He did come to save me. Maybe he isn't as bad as I was thinking.

"Can you move it?"

Roy was now gently gripping his left arm, checking for swelling and possible breaks.

"Yeah, it's fine."

Ed flexed his arm, feeling slight soreness but nothing else.

"And the other one?"

Roy asked, reaching for his right arm.

The teenager held it out of his reach.

"Yeah, it's fine."

And it was - Ed couldn't feel pain through his prosthetic limbs.

He was given a slightly odd look, but Roy asked no questions.

"How 'bout your legs?"

Ed stretched them both out, feeling a dull throbbing in his left thigh. When he had fully extended his legs, the muffled pain grew more pronounced. He hissed slightly through his teeth, then swallowed. "Fine."

"Good. Lemme go get Envy, and then we can take you to go get patched up."

Before the teenager could reply, Roy had stood and was heading down the hall where he had last seen Envy chase the three seniors.

Leaning back against the lockers, Ed fully examined the damage done to his body for the first time. He gingerly probed his face and decided that Roy was right - he would definitely have an interesting collection of bruises, along with a slight gash on his cheek, apparently from one of his assailants' rings. His flesh arm was slightly stiff, and he knew it would be sore tomorrow, but the damage wasn't all that bad. And luckily, his prosthetics hadn't been damaged at all. His ribs were definitely worse off than the rest of his body - he could already feel them swelling and, when he tried to twist his body around, they twinged uneasily. Hopefully they weren't broken. He was grateful that his legs were relatively undamaged, with only some nasty swelling on his thigh where the dark-haired attacker had kicked him.

Ed's self examination was interrupted by Roy's return. The dark-haired teenager was dragging a still-fuming Envy. His knuckles were bruised and slightly bloody, and red was spattered across his cheek - apparently someone else's blood, as he remained uninjured. Seeing Ed, he gave an inscrutable look, and said nothing.

"All right, let's get going."

Roy called, motioning for Ed.

"Can you stand?"

"Um..."

The teenager hoisted himself up on shaking legs, leaning against the lockers. Suddenly, his injured leg cramped violently and almost gave out. Before he could fall down completely, Ed felt himself supported by someone's strong, wiry arms. He looked behind him to see Envy, still wearing an unreadable expression. The teenager picked him up bridal-style and carried him down the hall, following Roy.

26

"Can you take off your jacket?"

Ed gave him a look.

"It's to dress the bruises."

The dark-haired teenager rolled his eyes.

"I'm not Envy. I won't molest you or anything."

"I heard that.

called Envy as he walked into the room carrying a first aid kit. Without looking at Ed, he placed it on the table and went out through the back door.

"What's wrong with him?"

the teenager asked as he unzipped the regulation black jacket.

"He hasn't said anything to me."

Roy looked at Ed.

"Maybe that's because you haven't said anything to him. You've been avoiding both of us, and it's getting ridiculous. We don't even know why."

He took Ed's jacket when it was handed to him and laid it on the floor.

"Care to explain?"

The teenager sighed and closed his eyes, feeling a headache coming on.

"I was being... stupid. All these people - Rose, Noah, Winry - they were telling me rumors about you guys. They said Envy was a huge druggie, and he made you one too, and you used to go around terrorizing all the students and teachers, and that Envy had killed someone when he was ten-"

Here Roy interrupted with a slight snort of laughter.

"Wow."

he said, giving another nervous laugh.

"I had no idea we were a subject of that much conversation."

Ed gave him a challenging look.

"So are you saying that all those rumors were lies?"

"Look."

Roy sobered immediately.

"Not... not all of them were lies. I suppose we were a bit crazy freshman year... I mean, the drugs were good and all that."

Ed widened his eyes and Roy shook his head.

"Yeah, it was a mistake, and we're over it now. At least, I am. Envy... I'm not sure if he ever really quit all that or not, but he's way better than he used to be. And all that's in the past, Ed. We don't deserve this kind of treatment just because of some rumors a few teenage girls told you."

"I have been pretty nasty the past couple of days, haven't I?"

It was Ed's turn to explain.

"It's just that... I don't know. I wasn't sure if I could trust you guys, and those rumors really scared me."

"Have we ever given you reason not to trust us?"

Roy gripped Ed's chin and turned his head so they were eye to eye. He gave the teenager a challenging glare.

"Have we?"

Ed stared right back into his dark, slanted eyes.

"No, you haven't."

he replied steadily.

The dark-haired teenager dropped his chin as the seriousness left his eyes and he gave his customary smirk.

"And I'll make sure we won't. Now, take of your shirt."

"What?"

Ed gaped.

Roy smacked his forehead, exasperated. "Look. Your shirt is long-sleeved. I just need to see your arms, so I can take care of them."

Shit. There's no way I can get out of it now without causing a scene. But I have to try. "Um... No, you don't have to. I'm fine." He gave what he knew to be a cheesy looking smile.

"You got beat up pretty bad, Ed."

"No, no, I'm fine, really. There's no need to be taking off any of my clothing." That sounded dirty.

The teenager raised an eyebrow at him. "It's just your shirt..."

No, it's not just my shirt. It's all my secrets. Ed thought, panicking. What will he think of me when he finds out? I don't want to be treated as some kind of invalid who can't look after themselves. I don't want him or Envy to stop being my friends, now that I just got them back.

Apparently noticing his panicked stare, Roy stopped his efforts to pull off Ed's clothing. "Why are you making such a big deal about this? It's not like you're a secret cutter or something... are you?"

Ed bit his lip. He said I could trust him. And I'm going to have to do that just now. It's all going to come out sooner or later; why not sooner? With shaking fingers, he unbuttoned his uniform shirt and slipped out of it. Growing bruises mottled his ribs and shoulder

"Wow, Ed. You're hot. "You've got a great body, for being so... short.

"Um... yeah. I was hoping to actually hear when I got older.

"Sorry, but you asked for it."

"Did you say something? I think I just went deaf."

"Oh shit."Ed... Ed, are you okay?" he asked frantically.

"I'm fine."

"But you should probably start doing your job and looking after these bruises."

"Sorry."

"Hmm... It looks like you're gonna be really sore in the morning." he commented.

"Oh, gee, thanks. I had no idea.

"Hey, I'm just trying to be helpful here."

"Okay, I don't think your ribs are broken or cracked or anything like that. You got off lucky."

"That's not what it feels like."

"Yeah, bruises may hurt, but at least they'll go away in a few days. Broken bones on the other hand... They pretty much ruin your life." The dark-haired teenager quipped as he spread some ointment on Ed's spreading bruises, then moved onto his arm. "Ooh, there's a nasty swelling there." He winced in sympathy. "Not much I can do about that... Lemme go get some ice."

"Just hold that there for a while, it should keep the swelling down."

"That's good enough. Band-aids make everyone feel better."

"I'm not five."

"Oh, heh. Sorry about that. It's just something my mom always used to tell me. Anyway, it looks like you're not going to have a black eye after all - you're one lucky bastard."

"If anyone's the bastard, Roy..."

"Shut up." The dark-haired teenager rolled his eyes, already used to Ed's nickname for him. "As I was saying, you won't get a black eye, but you'll have plenty of other bruises to make up for it. And you might want to do something about the one's on your throat. They look kind of... suggestive." Roy gave him a wink.

Ed huffed. "Oh, please. Do you ever think of something besides sex?"

"...Miniskirts?"

The teenager snorted. "Okay, are you finished?" When Roy nodded, he picked up his shirt and began buttoning it back up. Suddenly, his face sobered. "Um... can you not tell anyone else?"

"About what? Your amazingly muscled body?"

"Well, that too." Ed quipped with his usual humility. "About my arm."

"It's not that big of a deal. Hell, I know a girl who has two prosthetic legs, and she's cool. She does karate, actually." He noticed Ed's glare, and quickly continued. "I won't tell anyone, I promise. ...It's not like I would have anyone to tell..." he grumbled, but Ed ignored him.

"Good." He flashed Roy a brilliant smile and stood up. His ribs and shoulder ached dully, but other than that he felt perfectly normal. "Thanks for your help, I need to-"

"You might want to go talk to Envy, first."

"Go on. He doesn't bite…much unless you want him to.

"Envy?" . "Envy?"

. "Look, Envy. I know I've been really nasty the past week, and I'm really sorry."

"It's just that I started hearing all these rumors about you guys... that you two did drugs and terrorized people, that you, Envy, killed a guy when you were ten..."

"I know most of those rumors were ridiculous, and I knew it when I heard them too, but I honestly wasn't sure how to act around you. I was afraid that you two might betray me, or hurt me... and I don't want that to happen. I know it was selfish, and I really feel ridiculous now." This time, when he laid his hand on Envy's shoulder, the muscles tensed but the teenager made no move to shake it off. Ed took this as a sign of encouragement.

"I wanted to make real friends, and I wasn't sure if you two actually wanted to be friends with me, or just use me. And now I realize what a total jerk I've been, and that I might have lost some of my only friends here. My best friends here. And I don't want that to happen." Envy turned his head slightly, and a purple eye shone from between the strands of hair. Ed swallowed, knowing what he had to say. "I'm really, really sorry, Envy. Can... can you forgive me?"

The catlike eye studied him for a few tense, awkward minutes. Ed was forcibly reminded of a wild animal in the way Envy sat stiffly, seemingly ready to strike at any moment. He kept as still as he could, steadily meeting the other teenager's violently amethyst eyes with his own golden ones. I don't want to have lost one of the best friends I have here, especially since I only realized he was one of my best friends just now. When I think that I might lose him just because of the way I've been acting... Ed tried, as hard as he could, to show all of his feelings in a single glance: regret, sadness, compassion, sorrow. Nervously, he shuffled a bit closer to Envy, putting his face close to that of the other teenager's. "Can you forgive me?" he asked again, softly.

The dark eye blinked, suddenly, and Edward was surprised to see it filled with tears. Envy shook his head slightly, brackish tendrils of hair cascading to cover his momentary weakness, and, without warning, lunged forward to wrap his arms around Ed. His face nuzzled into the other teenager's neck, as though he was seeking some type of comfort. "I forgive you." he mumbled into Ed's shoulder, holding on to him tightly.

After a moment of shock, where he tried to regain his breath and his composure, Ed hesitantly reciprocated the gesture, his arms coming to rest nervously on the sin's skinny shoulders. "Thanks." he replied, with sincere gratitude in his voice. "I missed you." He was telling the truth, as much as it surprised him. He hadn't realized how big of a part Envy had played in his life until Ed had driven him out. And now that the teenager was back, he felt... complete. That sounds so mushy... he commented inwardly. It's not like we're in love or anything. But, it's true.

The two held each other silently, until Envy loosed his hold and stood up. "Some of those rumors were true, you know." he said, holding out a hand to help Ed up.

The teenager took the proffered hand and used it to pull himself up, wincing at the stiffness of his sides. "I know." He smiled back at Envy's surprised look, then led the way back into the living room.

Roy was sprawled out on the futon, lazily flipping through channels with the remote. "Worked out all your issues?" he asked as soon as they entered.

The two looked at each other, Ed smiling slightly. "Yup." Envy replied. He had cheered up considerably, and Ed found himself once again amazed at the teenager's rapid mood swings.

"Good." Abruptly, Roy switched off the television and sat up, looking alert. "There's one more thing we need to do."

Ed looked at the dark-haired teenager curiously, while Envy grinned viciously and nodded, sitting down cross-legged in front of the futon.

"War council."

"I still think you should have told us who did this to you." Roy remarked as they pulled out of his driveway. Ed was sitting next to him on the passenger seat, while Envy had opted to stay at the house, with the excuse that he had to take care of his own wounds from the fight.

"And I still say that I can fight my own battles." Ed retorted, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

27

"Well, do you want your brother and Winry and all your classmates wondering exactly where those bruises on your throat came from?" He shoved the thing into the teenager's hands.

Ed examined the thick leather band and square metal studs. He noticed the buckle on the back - it was a collar. "Where the hell did this come from?"

"Kinda kinky, isn't it." Roy observed. "It's Envy's. He lent it to me when I had some... ahem... questionable marks I needed to cover up. I forgot to ever give it back."

"Do you really think I need this?"

"Look in the mirror." He gestured toward the visor above his windshield.

Ed flipped it down and opened up the mirror. He craned up so he could see his throat, wincing slightly at another pain in his ribs. His neck was mottled with a string of bruises that could be clearly connected to show the print of a hand. "Okay, fine." he grumbled, buckling the leather band around his neck.

Roy grinned. "Makes you look pretty badass."

"And what am I supposed to tell my brother?"

"You'll think of something."

28

"Brother... what are you wearing?"

"Eh?" For a moment, Ed had forgotten about the obnoxious band around his neck. "Oh, this? Um... yeah." Think quick, Ed! "It was a dare."

"A dare?" Al's tone clearly showed his disbelief.

"Yup." the teenager replied, elaborating on his lie. "See, they thought I wouldn't be brave enough to do it. But I never back down from a dare. I'm supposed to keep it on for the rest of the school week, which is just like two days." He grinned.

"Okay..." his brother raised a brow but said nothing else. "And why didn't you call?"

Shit! I knew I was forgetting something! Quick... I need an excuse... "My phone ran out of batteries, and I didn't think of borrowing someone else's. Sorry, Al." He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down sheepishly. "I was kind of being stupid."

"Fine." Al sighed, reminding Ed more than ever of his mother. "Just don't do it again - Winry and I were really worried about you."

Ed nodded. "I won't." he promised, smiling. "I'm gonna go take a shower now." He turned and fled upstairs before Al could question him any more. That was close. he thought, as he rummaged in his dresser for a change of clothes. Al knows when I lie to him. I have to keep telling him the truth.

He slipped into the bathroom and turned on the shower, watching as the clear stream of water splashed on the tile floor. He stripped slowly, wincing every time he raised his arms - his ribs still hurt. Finally, he threw his boxers to the side, completely undressed. The teenager examined himself in the mirror. The marks on his ribs had gotten worse since Roy had looked at them, spreading to create a whole bluish area running up and down his side. His shoulder, though less swollen, still ached dully, and the bruise there was dark, almost black. His legs, which the dark-haired teenager hadn't bothered to examine, were better off than the rest of him, although he did a welt on his thigh. His prosthetic leg worked fine, still. If any of those seniors kicked me there, they probably broke some toes. he thought, amused.

Once he had finished his self-examination, he stepped into the shower, flinching as the hot water pounded on his sore back. As he shampooed his golden hair, he finally let his mind roam over the events of the day.

He was amazed by Envy's protectiveness of him. Even after I was so nasty to him, he still went after those seniors and fought them off me. The blonde sighed. I don't know why he did that - I sure as hell didn't deserve it. And, although he felt Envy's aid was undeserved, he let himself bask a while in the feeling of being wanted.

After all, he had never really felt 'wanted' before. And it was a nice feeling.

"Nice collar."

Ed groaned and ignored whoever had spoken - he felt no need to look up into the face of another laughing classmate - and it was only homeroom. "Shut up." he grumbled. "It was a dare."

"You look quite sexy in it." the unknown person continued.

The teenager blushed, but carefully kept his eyes down. "That's nice." he replied flatly.

"Ya know, it used to be mine, but I think I'll let you keep it. And make you wear it whenever I'm in the mood." The voice sounded familiar, and Ed had known the collar once belonged to-

"Envy?" Ed looked up slowly, relieved to find the brackish-haired teenager was the one harassing him, instead of another random junior. He chose to ignore the last comment - at least Envy's attitude towards him was relatively normal, as opposed to distant and cold.

The lanky teenager plopped down into his desk, as Roy took the one on the other side of Ed. "The one and only." He grinned and tugged on Ed's collar. "Now all we need is a leash."

If Ed had a drink, he would have spat it out in shock. As it was, he managed to choke on his own saliva. "Excuse me?" he asked, blushing furiously.

29

There was a slightly awkward silence until the three came to the door, which Roy was holding open for them. His face had lost its slightly angry cast, and now he just looked... like Roy.

Ed turned back to Envy in astonishment. "What? Hell no!"

"Please?" The teenager pouted cutely.

"No!"

"So now can you tell me what we're going to do?"

"You guys didn't tell him?"

"Nope."

Ed raised an eyebrow. "We're... what?"

"Ya know, we're going to go to karate and Izumi-sensei's gonna teach you to kick some major ass, and it's gonna be awesome..." Envy elaborated, which didn't help Ed much at all.

"But... what's karate?"

"Oh come on, Eddi

"That,"is the dojo. It's where we practice karate."

But what's karate?

"Karate, or karate-do, is a for of unarmed fighting. The student learns to develop their skills with hand to hand combat, along with learning kicks, punches, and forms that combine what they have learned into set fighting patterns. A true martial artist masters these techniques, and, through their mastery, gains a new perspective on the world, along with several virtues including patience, humility, and perserverance." Martel explained, "Izumi-sensei, our teacher, formally broke with the JKA (Japanese Karate Association) around 1994. She wanted to create her own style of fighting that concentrated less on fighting and competition, and more on development and growth of the mind and body. Thus, Shizuka na Ame karate was na ame" meant "gentle rain", and continued listening to Martel's na ame karate focuses mostly on punching and kicking techniques, as opposed to, say, grappling. There are two types of forms one learns - hardline and softstyle. Hardline forms are performed as though one was actually in combat, and you are expected to add power behind every kick and strike. Softstyle forms are performed to develop muscles slowly and have a therapeutic and calming effect on the practitioner, much like tai chi. Learned together, hardline and softstyle skills can form one into a well-rounded martial forms proceed in order from one upwards. They are learnt in order, and you must be tested on each form before you can proceed to the next one. Izumi-sensei is much more lenient with softstyle forms, which are named after and embody certain animals or elements. However, they have a certain order also. They proceed as Tiger, Monkey, Snake, Crane, Dragon, and Eagle, then Earth, Forest, Fire, Air, Water, and Void."

"Karate students are ranked in their knowledge with belts. You have a white belt, which symbolizes not only innocence and purity, but ignorance, also. After white, the belts proceed in this order: Yellow, Purple, Blue, Green, Brown, Red, and Black. To gain in rank, you must test for your next belt, or the next level of your belt. For example, brown belts must gain two black stripes before they proceed to red, and red belts must gain three black stripes before they proceed to black. When, or if you reach black belt, you may keep gaining knowledge and progressing in rank, attaining your first-degree black, second-degree black, and so on. I, myself, am a first-degree black belt, but I'm of lower rank than both Envy and Roy, who are second degree black belts."

"Actually, he's not teaching because one time he almost scared this kid to death-" The girl's voice was suddenly muffled by Envy clamping a hand over her mouth. Suddenly...

"EW! You licked me!" The brackish-haired teen wiped his hands on his pants with a look of exaggerated disgust, and Ed couldn't help the giggle that escaped from his mouth.

"Anyway," "Izumi-sensei banned him from teaching ever again."

Ed snickered while Envy vainly tried to defend himself. "Kids are disgusting anyway, and they never listen."

"You know, if Izumi-sensei heard you saying that, she'd kick your ass."

"Why?" Ed asked, curious.

"Well, During her last competition as part of the JKA, Izumi was pregnant with her first chid. Her teachers and friends advised her against competing, but she wanted to anyway. Back in those days, she was one of the most famous martial artists in Japan, and on the fast track to the Olympics. She loved sparring more than anything, and nothing could make her back down from a fight. Not even the well-being of herself and her baby."Izumi-sensei was kinda crazy."

"Anyway,She took several hits to the stomach during that fight. Izumi herself sustained a permanent internal injury that made her unable to have a child ever again, and the baby itself was... a miscarriage. Izumi-sensei was devastated. She had been longing for a child ever since she was young, and she had ruined her chances for a family by being too reckless and fighting. So now she does everything she can to help children, to try and make it up to her unborn baby. Half of these kids don't even pay for lessons - they're the poorer ones that don't have enough money. She takes them in regardless, just to help them and teach them to be better people."

"The end.

"...Wow." "That's... amazing."

"Yup."Of course, she's a grade-A certifiable psychopath, so just be ready to dodge when you meet her."

"Wait... what?"

"Ooh, it looks like class is over." Envy said interestedly as he craned his neck to observe the line of children filing out. "Here comes Izumi-sensei

Heya, Izumi!We've brought you a new student!"

He's really cute, isn't he?"

"...He's short."

He felt his body lift off from the seat and connect forcibly with the floor.

"Ow."

Wow, Izumi-sensei. Looks like that hurt."

"See, Ed?" "That's what I meant about dodging. Are you bleeding? I kinda heard a crack when you landed. "YAAAAH!"

"...What?" "What did I do?"

"Y-Y-You-"

"Envy, people aren't always as touchy as you."

"Some like their personal space."

"I'm Izumi Curtis.

"Martel tells me you want to start karate. I see you have your uniform already."

"Not anymore."

"What did you say?"

"Aha..."I'd love to join."

Izumi clapped her hands together. "Great! While Envy and Martel are changing, Roy and I can introduce you to the basics."

Ed gave his departing companions a feeble look. 'Save me, please!' he mouthed to Envy, who just grinned and waved. Tch. Some friends they are. he thought mutinously as he followed the woman into the practice room.

"This is the dojo." she was explaining. "When you enter, you bow." She bent down from the waist, and Ed followed her example. "We line up in order of rank, from the black belts downward. The most experienced student is the end of the line over there," she pointed to the far end of the dojo, "and the most inexperienced student is at the end on this side. That would be you."

The teenager gave a nervous laugh and nodded.

"Roy!" Izumi called, beckoning the black belt over from where he had been chatting with a slight, dark-skinned girl.

"Yes, sensei?" he asked sycophantically, shooting Ed a slight grin.

She brushed off his salutation with a snort, and gestured to the blonde. "I want you to start teaching him the basics now, before class begins. Then you both can line up to bow and all that, and when we actually get under way, you'll go back to teaching him."

Roy nodded. "Yes ma'am." he replied to her back as she walked away. "Okay, Ed. We'll start with-"

"Does she always act like that?" Ed interrupted, staring after Izumi with a slightly shell-shocked look on her face.

"Nope." the black belt replied innocently. Then he smirked. "She's usually worse. She must be going easy on you since you're new."

"Your a pervert, Envy."

As the four of them laughed and joked together, Edward felt more comfortable than he had for his whole stay in Japan. He felt like he belonged.

He had had the weirdest dream. It had featured Envy, an electric keyboard, and chicken noodle soup. Slowly, wincing as his thighs protested (they were still sore from Roy's karate workout)

he thought, when I get back to Germany my dreams will be normal again.

That idea made him pause. Did he really want to go back? In Germany, the only people he really knew were his dad, Al, and (sometimes) Russell.

in Japan, he had made great friends even in the first few week

Envy and Roy to take care of him. He already trusted Gracia-sensei, Falman-sensei, and Maes Hughes more than he had ever trusted any teachers before, and he knew Izumi-sensei had a soft spot under all her posturing.

"Gracia-san called and said she was heading into Central today to do some errands." she said. "She wanted to know if I needed anything. I'm sure she wouldn't mind you three taging along. You could give Ed and Al a tour, Winry."

Winry looked around excitedly at the brothers, then turned, bouncing happily in her seat. "That would be awesome!" she cried happily. "Is that okay with Gracia-sensei?"

"Let me ask." Pinako replied, putting the telephone back up to her ear. "Gracia-san? Yes. Would you mind taking Winry and the boys with you down to Central? No, they'll be fine. Uh-huh. Thank you so much!" After hanging up, she turned to the trio, who were watching her excitedly. "She said she'd love to take you brats. Get ready - she'll be here in less than ten minutes."

"All right, guys!" Winry shouted, scrambling to her feet. "Hurry up! Grab something warm, it's cold outside! Come on, let's go, this'll be so much fun!"

Gracia-sensei's car was out side.

Once everyone was sitting and safely buckled up.

"I'm an awful driver." she confessed to them as she turned onto the main street. "This is my third car in four years."

Ed blanced. That was comforting, he thought, grabbing tightly onto his armrest as the principal swerved wildly while making a turn.

"Whoops." she said sheepishly, taking a hand of the steering wheel to rub the back of her neck and causing the car to make an even wilder change in direction.

"Um..." Winry said nervously from the backseat. "Maybe you should keep both hands on the steering-wheel, Gracia-sensei."

She gave a nervous laugh. "I guess so." After a few minutes of concentrated silence, Gracia spoke once more. "So, Edward, Alphonse. How are you liking it here in Japan?"

"It's really great, sensei!" Al chirped from the backseat. He was unfazed by the principal's random swerves and overcorrections. I guess it pays to have a slightly insane older brother, Ed observed, not realizing he had just insulted himself.

"And you, Edward?" Gracia asked, smiling at him.

"I like Japan a lot better than I like Germany." Alphonse continued, making up for Ed's monosyllabic reply. "I've made a bunch of friends, and Ed has two good friends.

Gracia smiled, and Ed was grateful that she allowed him to salvage what little pride he had left. "Well, I went to college at Harvard University in the USA. I graduated rather young, and I came back to Japan and applied for a teaching post right away. Since the former principal, Golio Comanche, had just retired, they picked me up right away." Here she paused, and sighed. "Some of the teachers do resent me for getting the post so young, and with so little experience. It was the Harvard credentials that did it." Gracia gave a silvery laugh. "Falman-san helps me out a lot though, and most of the faculty are very supportive. I don't suppose you would understand, but it can be very hard, running a school."

Gracia pulled up in front of a traditional Japanese building called the 'Suzaku Teahouse'. "I'll meet you guys back here around... three o'clock." she said, checking her watch. "That means you have around five and a half hours to do whatever you want."

"Thank you, Gracia-sensei!" Winry said, smiling.

"Oh, and Winry?"

"Yes?"

"If you want to take them on a tour, I suggest starting here. They have beautiful traditional gardens in the back."

"I will!" Winry cried. "Thanks, sensei!"

Shaking his head, he dismissed his worries. He trusted Al to have at least some discretion.

On the inside, the teahouse was tastefully decorated with a series of monochromatic Japanese prints accented with touches of pink and green. The tables were low and cushions were provided for kneeling. Thin rice paper walls separated the kitchen from the rest of the building, and the counter boasted several bonsai - miniature trees - shaped into twisted versions of their leafy counterparts.

A smiling man was waiting in the front to greet him. He had messy brown hair and shockingly purple eyes (they were even a more dramatic color than Envy's), and was dressed in a navy blue kimono. As they walked in, he bowed. "Welcome to the Suzaku Teahouse." he said formally. "My name is Asato Tsuzuki. Are you here for a traditional tea ceremony, or would you prefer to have your own table?"

Winry blushed and stammered, taken aback by his politeness. "Um... Well... We were hoping to have a tour of your gardens. A friend told me that they were very beautiful."

"Oh, of course!" Tsuzuki replied, smiling. Winry's reply seemed to have broken the ice, Ed thought, watching the man straighten up and bound over to the counter. There he conversed with a solemn looking boy who was manning the cash register (which seemed rather anachronistic among the antique teacups and sake bowls. Finally, he disappeared behind the rice paper divider.

"He's a very interesting person." Al mused, also looking around.

Edward was about to reply when Tsuzuki reappeared, leading a ponytailed Ling, clad in a pale orange and cream kimono. As soon as the cheery junior saw Ed, he grinned and waved. "Tsuzuki-san said some teenagers were here, but I never expected you, Ed! I'm supposed to give you guys a tour of the gardens."

Ling led them through a maze of tables and rice-paper partitions until they came to an artfully hidden sliding door. "This is awesome, guys." he said, as he slowly and dramatically opened it.

The door, Ed thought, opened onto a paradise. A softly gurgling stream flowed into a pond near the entryway, filled with brightly colored koi. A solid, wooden bridge crossed the water and led to a path made of dark gravel that contrasted sharply with the pale sand on either side. A willow tree was artfully positioned to one side of the pond, and its drooping branches trailed in the clear blue-green shallows. Upon closer inspection, the sand appeared to be raked in straight lines that were occasionally interrupted by swirls, spirals, or carefully placed rocks. Smaller, graceful maple trees dotted the winding walkway, and their bare branches only enhanced the calming aspect of the outdoor haven.

"Hey, Ed." Ling called, waving a hand in front of Edward's face. "What're you waiting for?"

Blinking, Ed realized that Winry and Al were already standing on the bridge, admiring the multicolored fish. He had been so lost in the beauty of the garden that he had forgotten their purpose. "Heh, sorry Ling." he replied, walking alongside the Chinese boy.

"By the way," Ling said in an undertone. "Who are those two?"

Ed gave him a look. "You didn't introduce yourself?"

"Uh... no."

Rolling his eyes, Edward grabbed Ling by the sleeve of his kimono and dragged him up to the bridge. "Guys, this is Ling. He's in my grade at school. Ling, this is Al, my brother, and Winry. She's part of our host family."

Ling smiled and waved. "Hello." he said. "I suppose I had better give the official tour, or Hisoka-kun will get mad at me again." He took a deep breath. "This is a traditional Japanese garden, modeled after those from the Nara period in Japanese history. The sand exists to calm the mind and seem like a miniature landscape, the rocks serve as resting points for the eye and also appear as mountains. The sound of the water is soothing and the fish add color. In the autumn, the maple leaves are red and orange, and they complement the colors of the koi. Um... let's see..." The ponytailed teenager grinnned sheepishly. "I kinda forgot the rest. Tsuzuki didn't give me time to grab the pamphlet."

Winry laughed. "Why don't you just take us through the garden?" she asked smiling.

As they walked through the garden, Ed was confronted by masterpiece after masterpiece of landscape architecture and planning. Ling told them that this particular garden was designed by a Buddhist monk to give a calming respite from the rigors of day-to-day life. Now, with the ice coating the bushes and trees, it looked like something out of a fairytale.

When Ed spotted a bench facing a miniature version of the large raked-sand garden from the front of the garden, he took a seat. "You guys can go all the way through." he told Ling, Al, and Winry. "I'll wait for you here, okay?"

"Aw, come on, niisan." Al whined. "You're no fun."

"Go on." Ed replied, waving them off with his hands. "I'll be fine."

Shrugging, Ling led the other two onwards. As soon as they were out of sight, Ed slumped on the bench, staring morosely at the stack of rocks in the center. To his surprise, he was feeling slightly homesick and out-of-place. The serene, alien beauty of the garden only compunded his feeling of alienation. Sighing, he turned so that he was lying flat on the stone bench. The chill seeped through his black coat as he closed his eyes against the too-bright midmorning sun and tried not to think.

"You're not allowed to lie down on the benches." came a cool, slightly detached voice from above him.

Ed opened his eyes, squinting. The brown haired boy, who had previously been mannning the cash register, was staring down at him. "Sorry." Ed muttered, slowly rising back into a sitting position.

"Thanks." the boy said, preparing to move on. But something in Ed's gaze arrested him, and he turned back. "Is everything all right?" he asked curiously.

Edward shrugged. "I suppose."

Taking that as an invitation, the boy sat, making sure he never touched Ed. "My name's Hisoka." he said.

"Ed."

"I noticed your friends aren't with you. Did you have a fight?" Hisoka continued awkwardly.

Edward shook his head. "No, I'm just feeling homesick... I guess."

"Mm." the boy replied. It seemed as though he didn't communicate with people well, because there was a long, awkward pause before he spoke again. "I get homesick too, sometimes. I'm actually from England, but my parents didn't want to raise me and so they passed me off to Tsuzuki. Apparently he was the son of one of my father's business partners, and he was looking for someone to help him with work. Figure that one out." He laughed bitterly. "It's funny that I still get slightly homesick, since it's so much better here."

Ed also smiled, glad that someone could feel the same way as he did. "It wasn't that great back in Germany, either. My dad's such a great scientist that he's always traveling, and he never has time for us at home. Even if he did, he probably wouldn't know how to treat us."

Hisoka nodded. "It's strange, isn't it? Sometimes it's so different here that I can't help but wish I was back where I used to live. I can't even call it home anymore, but sometimes I miss it. Especially in places like this. I guess rock gardens make you think. That's what they're supposed to do, after all."

"I suppose. I haven't been this homesick since we got here, but now... I don't know. I guess it's just because I have time to think, and realize how different it is over here." Edward wrapped his jacket tighter around him, suddenly feeling even more lonely now that he had confessed his feelings. "I want to go back, but at the same time, I want to stay here forever."

The boy gazed at him with brilliant green eyes, then went back to examining his the white cranes that patterened his indigo kimono. They were silent for a few minutes, then Hisoka got to his feet. "I don't know if it comforts you much, but I feel exactly the same way. Sometimes, knowing someone is lonely like you can help a lot."

Edward blushed slightly, and smiled. "Thanks for listening to me."

"No, thank you." Hisoka replied seriously. "I know it's selfish, but I'm glad that you were able to understand my feelings. Tsuzuki tries his best, but he's very dense. He's lived his whole life here in Japan, and he doesn't understand how I could miss my old life." He turned to head down the path. "Goodbye, Edward."

As he disappeared from sight, Ed turned to gazing at the rockpile in the center of the swirling sand. But now, instead of feeling frozen inside, he felt warm.

"Why aren't all the kids at school black-haired and brown-eyed like this?" he asked Winry. "Aren't they all Japanese, too?"

The blonde giggled. "After World War II, the area around our school was an American military base. After a while, lots of the American soldiers started marrying Japanese women, or they decided that they liked it here and that they would stay. So a bunch of kids there are half-Japanese or not Japanese at all, but they've adopted the culture and the language. Also, when people from Europe or Africa or other areas move to Japan, they feel more comfortable in a district with a bunch of different ethnicities, rather than a mostly-Japanese place. So they end up living around our school too." She smiled. "Got it?"

Ed shrugged. "I suppose..." he said, still slightly confused. "That did explain a lot."

"Good." Barry replied, seeming to calm down considerably. "If I catch you again, I'll have to chop you up." ("The word 'blood' is a beautiful thing. Repeat it after me: "Blood".)

- Edward continued his questioning. "What's the big deal about Envy painting his nails?" he asked curiously.

She shrugged. "Depends on what color they are."

"They're black."

Noah blanched slightly. "Seriously?" she asked. "That's the worst color..."

"But why?" Ed repeated, getting tired of her indirectness. What was the big deal about Envy painting his nails? Was it some kind of secret, Japanese cult symbol? Knowing Envy...

"It's a kind of sign." Noah said, and Edward prepared for his suspicions to be confirmed. "When he paints his nails, it means he has some kind of plan for someone. Pink means that he's going to ask someone out, yellow means that he's going to get some money somehow, and red means he's angry at someone, and he's going to do something about it."

Ed stared. Envy used nail polish as a warning symbol? And people knew what the different colors meant? Just how much power did Envy have? It was scary just thinking about it. But Noah had left one question unanswered. "What's the black mean?"

The girl watched him a moment before replying - probably to build up the drama of the moment, Ed thought sourly - then said, "He uses that when he plans to fight someone with everything he's got. He won't give up until they leave the school... or until they're dead."

So he chooses to talk to me, a fifteen year old high schooler, about his love life? That was... strange, to say the least. But Edward liked Hughes - the man was funny, and personable - so he decided to go along with the man's whims. Before they exited the cafeteria, he looked back to check for Roy and Envy. They still hadn't arrived.

"No, no, no! That's too cliché!"

During the last few periods, Edward heard more gossip - something about Clara starting to scream in the middle of the cafeteria and running outside as though she was being chased, about how she had already begun filling out her transfer papers, and that everyone really thought she deserved whatever had happened.

From: Russell Tringham (blueeyedhunkhotmail. com)

To: Edward Elric (fullmetalElricyahoo. com)

Subject: RE: Japan, so far...

Date: January 20, Tuesday

You're having an interesting time so far, huh? This "Roy" guy sounds pretty cool. I'd like to meet him. Same with Havoc and Riza (she sounds sexy). I guess Ling would be cool to talk to, too. But your English teacher - what the fuck? I thought we had weird teachers in Germany, but he tops them all. Can't you just see him becoming a serial killer? Unless, of course, he is one already. That would be really freaky. And, dude - I can't believe you made so many enemies in your first week. What, did you go out of your way to be a brat? (More than usual, I mean, of course.)

Didn't the principal specifically tell you not to get into fights? Or does the little thingy with Clara-whatshername not count? How about karate? That's fighting, isn't it? I wish I was in karate. Girls go for the strong and silent types, but they like ninjas better. If you demonstrate your 'skills' when you get back, I bet you'll get some automatic girlfriends.

Speaking of girlfriends, the chicks in Japan sound hot. You should invite me over, I'd like to meet "Winry" or whatever her name is. And Rose doesn't sound like she looks that half-bad, either. Same with Riza and Noah and even Clara. Lucky bastard.

Have you found a girl you like yet? From what you told me, you don't really talk to many females. Except Envy - is that really his name? If he paints his nails, and reads that gay manga you talked about, then I think we can pretty much assume that he's a fag. Do you like him? The way you talk about him... heheh. I always knew you were queer.

But he sounds like a pretty cool guy. I mean, I wouldn't have risked my life and limbs to save you from some senior hunks. (I also wouldn't have hugged you afterward; ew.) He and Roy are really watching out for you, you know. Maybe they think you need some parental guidance, or something. And that Clara thing was really fucked up. What kind of bitch goes that far to try and get revenge on her boyfriend? I don't even know her, and she scares the crap out of me. Geez.

If I were you, I'd be glad that they got rid of her. Envy and Roy probably just did it for your own good. Your 'boyfriend's' going to be hurt if you make a big fuss about it. After all, you probably wouldn't have been smart enough to think of that kind of revenge. (Whatever they did, it sounds bad...) Just kind of forget about it, I guess. Clara's gone, and that's a good thing, right? If you keep bugging them about it, you'll have another one of those angst-fights.

Anyway, everything's fine here in Germany. It's still really cold out, and the schoolwork is pretty hard. You're lucky because it's near the end of the school year in Japan. We're just getting into the hard math and stuff now. Heiderich says 'hi' back, and he wants to know if you've become a ninja master yet. Should I tell him yes? (He also wants to know if you wear one of those flowery dress things... what are they called? Kiminos? Kinomos? Kimonos?)

Fletcher says 'hi'.

-Russ

P.S. Has the food there made you taller?

From: Edward Elric (fullmetalElricyahoo. com)

To: Russell Tringham (blueeyedhunkhotmail. com)

Subject: RE: Japan, so far...

Date: January 22, Thursday

DON'T YOU EVEN DARE CALL ME SHORT! SHUT UP! I DO NOT WEAR A KIMONO, EITHER! THOSE ARE FOR GIRLS, DAMMIT!

Stupid horny bastard. I'm not gay. Envy's not my boyfriend, either.

...Thanks for your advice, and Al says 'hi'.

-Ed

P.S. When I am a ninja master, I will kick your ass.

The cafeteria seemed a bit more crowded than usual, as though all those who hid from Clara's dominance had found reason to come out in the light once again. Chatter was free and easy, and some even went so far as to celebrate, passing Envy and Roy in the halls with high fives. (Of course, the two claimed it was for their overall awesomeness, but it was certain that wasn't the case.)

"Didja like the stuff I got you?"

Yeah, like he would ever go around dressed in those clothes. Dear God. He resisted the urge to make a face. "Yeah, I guess. I just don't know when I'll be able to wear them, you know?" Ed said politely.

"How 'bout now?" Envy knelt on the floor to rummage through Ed's bags, pulling out the red coat, leather pants, and the new shoes and depositing them on the table. It took him a little longer to find a solid black T-shirt, which he pressed into Edward's hands. "Come on, let's get you dressed!" Bouncing up and down with excitement, he bundled the items into his arms and beckoned for Ed to follow him into the bathroom.

Inwardly, Ed groaned. He had two choices: go into the bathroom with Envy to play 'dress-up', or stand here and have a huge argument with the teenager about why he didn't want to look like an idiot and cause even more people to stare at them. It wasn't too hard of a choice. Rolling his eyes, he followed his friend like a condemned man on his way to the executioner.

Luckily, the bathrooms were so clean they were almost sterile, and the stalls were nearly all empty. Envy shoved the clothes into Edward's hands and pushed him to the nearest stall. When Ed resisted, he grinned. "Are you trying to say you'd rather change out here, in front of me?"

Blushing, Ed hurried into the cubicle, double-checking that the door was locked before he began stripping. The first thing he pulled on was the shirt, which seemed a bit too tight, pinching under his arms and making him feel self-conscious about his stomach. Next came the leather pants, which he could tell were going to start chafing his thighs eventually. He had to jump up and down a couple of times to pull them all the way up, and wondered what Envy thought, watching outside. The shoes were a lot easier to put on, but it took him a while to figure out the not-so-complicated system of straps that kept them on. They elevated him about an inch, and that was great - it was hard to believe how different the world looked from a few centimeters up. The cloak-thing came last. It must have looked absolutely ridiculous on him - the sleeves came down

"Just one more thing..."

Unzipping one of the many pockets on his cargo pants, he pulled out some kind of black pencil.

"Holy shit, no!"

"Fine."

Damn, he looked good in this outfit! Maybe Envy did have some taste, after all. The pants and boots made him appear taller than he had originally, and the red coat complemented his hair nicely.

"Wow."Um. You have good taste."

"But it would definitely look better with eyeliner."

"No!" he cried, laughing and running out of the bathroom. Who cared if people stared?

"I got some presents for my son, Wrath. His seventh birthday's coming up."

"Mm-hmm." Ed replied awkwardly, not sure how to respond to a comment like that. What were you supposed to say to a girl that got pregnant and had a child when she was younger than him?

Oblivious to his discomfort, the woman continued chatting. "Wrath is a really nice boy, have you met him? Lust, my half-sister, adopted him after I quit school. She's raised him quite nicely, I think. I'm sure she's been a better mother than I ever would." Sloth's eyes grew distant as she got lost in her memories. "His father was a real brute. He was a senior in high school, you know, and I was only in eighth grade. He told me I was beautiful and he loved me more than anyone, but when the kid came..

"Aw, come on! It won't hurt at all!""Just one little pinch, then it's over! No big deal! Look, I'll even pay for it, okay? Cool, yeah? Come on."

"Hell no!"

"Help!"

"Envy, I am not getting my ears pierced! There is no way you will make me go into that shop."

"Do you need a bribe?"

"No, I don't need a bribe!"I just need you to stop bugging me about this!"

'Never give Nikuya-sensei a knife' and 'Always double-check the sushi when it's served in the cafeteria'.

Envy: Leave! See if I care! I don't need you!" He turned on his heel, and grabbed Ed by the wrist.

As he was dragged towards the exit.

"I can't believe I just did that. Roy's really, really pissed now, isn't he?"

"I can't believe I got that angry. I'm never angry! I'm always supposed to be the one that looks on the bright side. I'm supposed to make the stupid jokes, and I'm supposed to make everyone feel better. But it's really hard to stay happy all the time."

"I didn't want to say all that.I... I kinda lost control.

"Oh, who am I kidding. I did want to say all that. I wanted to let him know what a dick he's being. But I guess I could have done it differently."

"Yeah, you really could have."

"I don't even know why I was so angry."

"I guess it's because Roy and I have always been best friends, you know? We've always done everything together. He's like... he's like..."

"My partner, I guess. My comrade-in-arms. We're the dynamic duo, or something."

"I relied on him a lot, you know. Whenever I was having... problems... I could go to Roy and talk to him, and he'd help me work them out. I'd tell him everything. Hell, he probably knows more about me than I know about myself. He didn't elaborate on his 'problems', but Ed could guess - drugs, family, school...

"Don't go, please."

"I need to talk.

"Keep talking, then."

"I was afraid.

I'm still afraid

"I just... don't want him to leave."

"I just don't want to lose any more friends."

The teenager grinned. "Oh, Ed, you're so cute when you're naive." Edward glared, which only caused his smile to widen. "Come on, don't tell me you don't know! Envy has, like, the biggest crush on you!

"Why is he still not talking to me? Why do we just ignore each other in the halls like this? Why hasn't he come back to me?" Envy's words were accented by the noise of raindrops beginning to fall on the metallic roof of the lunchroom.

Suddenly, one of Envy's splashes flew further than its predecessors, splattering Roy and company with a tsunami-worthy cascade. If they weren't soaked before, they were now. Roy looked shocked, Havoc looked affronted, Breda looked offended, Riza looked nonplussed, and Fuery looked like a kicked puppy. "What the fuck was that for?" the blonde baseball player cried, marching over to Envy angrily.

"Excuse me?"

Finally, the baseball opened his mouth to speak. But whatever he would have said went unspoken, as yet another fountain of water splashed over the group. Yet, this time, it wasn't caused by Envy.

Envy growled. "What the fuck was that for?" he asked, advancing on Roy. He slammed his foot down into the water and directed a splash at the smirking teenager, who did his best to dodge and retaliate.

"They might be at this for a while,

"I suppose it's better than having a fistfight." Riza replied, unclipping her long flaxen hair and wringing it out. She shivered, and her boyfriend Havoc put his arm around her.

Ignoring their chatter in the background, Ed turned back to watch the water fight. Envy had tackled Roy, who was on his back in a puddle, doing his best to get back up while still defending himself from the long-haired teenager's relentless attacks.

Envy lifted up a foot to kick at the puddle and drench the dark-haired teen once more, but one of Roy's flailing legs caught him behind his other knee and he fell, rolling to minimize the damage so he landed in his back in the puddle next to Roy.

The two boys looked at each other, and burst out laughing.

_gay!_

. "Don't disrupt the class or Izumi-sensei will kill you!" "You licked it!" He made a face.

"Your fault."

Every year, as most of you know, Central High hosts a spring festival near the end of March. And every year, our karate group is invited perform.

"Remember," Izumi called as she exited the dojo, "I'll be waiting outside for your suggestions. Make them good!" As she left, Roy clapped his hands and the class bowed again before following her lead.

"That's not Japanese, is it?"

"Nope. Italian.

"Something... new?"

"Yeah," "I got tired of Japanese food, and I got tired of people interrupting us when I only wanted to talk to you." A one-on-one interrogation? A... a date?

Before he realized what was happening, Envy had already left the car and was holding his door open, gesturing for Ed to exit. "Ladies first," he murmured with a smirk. Edward was too overwhelmed to be insulted. A date?

"No!" Ed replied hastily - too hastily - and Envy blinked, looking slightly surprised. "I-I mean, I was just curious. Why me? Why didn't you take Martel, if you wanted to, um, talk?" He knew that the he probably wasn't asking the most polite question, but he was curious. He wanted to know what Envy thought of him, to open a window into the teenager's inscrutable actions.

"Because," Envy replied frankly, "you've seen me be serious three times. Four, now. I don't think anyone else besides you, Roy, and Ling even know I have a serious side."

Right. That was a very satisfying answer; just what he wanted to hear. The blonde stifled his frustration at Envy's enigmatic reply, and bit his lip. "Oh." Did his answer mean that Envy thought of him as being just a friend, the same way he thought of Roy and Ling? Or was it supposed to mean something entirely different? He clenched his fists in his jacket pockets and returned to kicking the legs of his chair.

Finally, the perky brunette waitress appeared at their table. "Hello!" she said cheerfully. "Sorry about the wait. It's been really busy for a Thursday night since, you know, it's Valentine's Day." She smiled, apparently failing to notice the stunned look on Edward's face and the smug expression on Envy's. "Anyway, what can I get you? Might as well order your food now, too, if you're ready, so you won't have to wait as long."

"I'll have the spaghetti with meatballs and a Coke," Envy said, and then, seeing as Ed was in no fit state to order, spoke for him. "And he'll take the chicken parmesan and... uh... some breadsticks and... Coke, too."

"I can't believe I forgot it was Valentine's Day!" Ed cried once she had gone, realizing that he was probably blushing furiously.

"I can't believe you did either," his companion murmured, grabbing the blonde's menu and placing it at the edge of the table with his. "Does that change anything?" he asked louder, so Edward was able to hear.

"Uh, well, actually, the people here are, you know, cooler, I guess; I have a lot more friends now. "I mean, in Germany there was Russell and he's sort of a friend but we always get into fights and he always gets me into trouble. And Alfons, I suppose; he's really nice."

"Alfons? Is he hot? Well, he's not hot but lots of girls do like him... I guess he's, um, cute?"

"Do you like him?"

"No! No, EW, no! He has the same name as Al! He even looks like Al! Dating him would be like dating my brother!

"Then, why don't you stay?" He leaned back and said, louder, "Think about it."

Before Edward could even begin to think of a reply, a tall, black-haired woman waltzed up to their table, followed by a short, enormously obese bald man. "Envy," the woman said without preamble, her voice rich and melodious. "Come here. I've got some bad news."

Envy blanched and his face grew grim, but he stayed put. "If you have news, Lust, Ed can hear it too."

The woman - Lust, another sin - gave Edward a dismissive glance, and sighed, flipping her thick hair back over her shoulder. "Sloth is in the hospital."

The teenager stood up so fast his chair nearly toppled over. "What?" he asked, his voice raised with disbelief and tinged with panic. "Sloth? For what?"

"I don't know," she replied, looking nearly as worried as Envy. "As soon as I got the call, I went looking for you. Luckily Roy knew where you were, because you neglected to turn on your cell phone." She gave him a pointed, disapproving look.

Frantically, Envy patted his the phone in his pocket then faced her again, nearly hyperventilating. "I- We need to see her," he told Lust firmly, taking a few steps in the direction of the door. Suddenly, he whirled back around and grabbed Ed's wrist. "You're coming with me, chibi."

Envy's grip on his hand was tight and icy as they wove through the tables to the exit. Edward had to trot to keep up with the fast-moving teenager, trying to quell the rising panic in his chest. Sloth is one of his best friends, he remembered. His sister. He recalled her unique fashion sense and her caring smile. What could have happened? Why was Sloth in the hospital? And another, selfish, thought surfaced. Why did she have to be in the hospital the day that he and Envy went on a sort-of-date?

"Please..." he murmured, and then, louder, "Stay with me."

"I need to get to Sloth Fiamma "Can you give me her room number?"

"I can only give you her room if you're some kind of relation,

"I am."

"Prove it," the woman replied haughtily.

"I don't have time for that, dammit!" he exclaimed. "I need to see her now! I'm her fucking brother! Envy!"

"Look, um, I'm really sorry about his behavior," he began, widening his eyes in innocent earnestness. "Sloth is his sister and he just found out that she's in the hospital. I'm not sure what proof we could give you, though." He shrugged and gave a crooked half smile in apology. "An ID?"

The nurse apparently hadn't thought of what proof they could use, either, judging from her slightly taken aback look. "O-of course," she replied after a moment's hesitation. "I'm sure that will be fine."

Ed turned to Envy, who was standing stiffly and biting his lip so hard it was nearly bleeding. "Do you have a driver's license or something with you?" he asked in a soothing tone of voice, acting calm for the teenager's sake. "I can use that as proof."

Wordlessly, Envy handed him a tooled leather wallet, and Edward opened it to find his school identification card placed prominently in the front. He held it out to the receptionist. "Will that do?"

The woman, seeming to have decided it was best to be rid of them as soon as possible, barely looked at the proof before motioning them onwards. "Whatever. She's in room 303. Just catch the elevator down that way," she jerked her thumb to a hall branching out toward the left, "and go to the third floor. You'll find it soon enough."

"Thank you,"Did you hear that? We just have to go down this hall, here, and the elevator..."

"What about water? The bathroom's down the hall, and I could go get some... Maybe he'd wake up if we splashed him."

"Don't be an idiot! He's sick; that'd just make him worse. What if he died?"

"Now who's being the idiot? Got any other ideas?"

"Yeah, let's reverse your roles and pretend he's Sleeping Beauty. Go up to him and give him a kiss, Prince Charming - then maybe he'll-"

"Fuck you, Roy, you're such an asshole!"

"Actually, technically, you're the-"

Ed groaned and rolled over, burying his head into his pillow. The sheets were soft and his comforter was nice and toasty (toasty, it was such a cliché word but so true)

"You're the one who sucks at life, skirt chaser."

"Cock sucker."

The insults went on as Envy retrieved his weapon, and Ed winced, turning back over to look up at Ling. "Do they do this often?" he asked. "When they're fighting, I mean?"

"Oh yeah," Ling replied, still smiling. "Though they seem to repeat all the old ones they use. So unoriginal, the both of them."

The blonde's eyes snapped open with a jolt. "What is it?" he asked, sitting upright and barely missing hitting Ling in the chin.

For once, the teenager's smile was gone, and he was looking oddly serious. "Look..." he said, pointing to the field. Ed looked.

Envy was kneeling on the dead brown grass, doubled over in pain with both hands pressed to one side of his face. Roy, looking panicked, was hovering over him, his lips mouthing words that Edward, some twenty feet away, was unable to hear. And both pine branches were lying abandoned on the ground. Although Ed did have above average intelligence, it didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened.

Scrambling to his feet with a muffled curse, Edward hurried to the two of them, breaking into a run the last ten feet. "Shit!" he exclaimed, falling to his knees in front of Envy. "Shit, Roy, did you -"

"It wasn't my fault!" Roy snapped. Biting his lip, he took a deep, shaky breath. "I mean -"

"It really wasn't his fault," Envy said. His voice was quiet and muffled by his arms. "I was stupid. Forgot to block."

"Shit," Ed repeated as he pried Envy's hands away from his face. A shadow fell over him as Ling joined them, placing his fingers on Envy's shoulders. "Oh..."

There was a nasty looking welt directly under Envy's right eye, red on the edges and nearly white in the center. His nose was bleeding a little, as well, and his eye wasn't opened all the way - either from pain or from swelling, Edward couldn't tell.

"That's going to be a nasty bruise,"

"I mean, it hurts like all motherfucking bitch get out, but I'll live, right?"

"Help me up, you sadistic son of a bitch."

"Sure thing, faggot.

"I'm acting like a fucking girl," he spat. "You make me act like a fucking girl."

"I... That's.. Look,I know I'm... I'm going to leave for Germany in about a month. And I don't think I can stay - I don't think I have any choice in the matter. It's not something I can...

Then why the hell are we doing this?"

"I don't want to be left her alone like some stupid piece of baggage. And if you go... I'm going to be alone. And it's going to be worse because I was alone before, but - fuck.

"No,

"No. You won't be alone. Never. Because, as soon as I can, I'll come back. For you. When I graduate high school in another year... Or if I can get another exchange opportunity... I'll be back. I swear. I'll be back.

"You're a liar," "A stupid, fucking, liar."

"If I didn't like you so much, I think I'd hate you."

"So, basically, I'm a jerk,

.""Whatever's gonna to happen - it's gonna happen whether we like it or not. So I'm just along for the ride, and I might as well make the most of it, right?" "You will too, okay? Deal?"

"Deal."

"But with that said, "no sex." "I mean - you're only here for twenty-three more days, right? And you're going to have to leave. And I like you, and all, but... I don't want to get that attached. I mean, I have nothing against, you know, with you, and stuff, but just... You can sleep here tonight and everything but we're not going to be doing... anything... Not that it would be bad or unwelcome or anything like that, I mean, it's kind of a morning after problem which sounds stupid, I know, but it's the only way I can explain..."

He stifled a laugh and stuck out his hand again for Envy to shake. "Deal,"

From: Russell Tringham (blueeyedhunkhotmail. com)

To: Edward Elric (fullmetalElricyahoo. com)

Subject: RE: FUCK YOU WITH A SHARP STICK

Date: March 11, Monday

I just want you to know that I really resent the subject line of this email. It insults my dignity. Besides, according to what you've been telling me, it's more likely that you'll be the one getting fucked with a sharp stick.

Or something resembling a stick, if you know what I mean.

Though knowing your stubbornness, you'd probably end up on top. Which is a compliment! It's a compliment, I swear! So don't type the next five lines in caps lock and spazz out over email. ...You're going to, I can tell already.

But I digress. Really, it's cool with me that you're, you know, gay. Or bisexual with a strong tendency for the same sex, if that makes you feel any better. Please don't yell at me if it doesn't. I'm just trying to be a good friend. ...Heh heh.

And it's good that you found a boyfriend. Though I know Heiderich will be practically heartbroken. I know you never noticed (or maybe you did and you just decided to keep it on the D.L. or something so you wouldn't have to reject him to his face), but he's been making lovesick puppy dog eyes at you since, uh, around the beginning of freshman year. Even though he's had several successive significant others. Which is weird, isn't it? He looks so much like your brother and, on your part, that would probably be practically incest.

So it's probably a bad thing I just told you but TOO LATE NOW!

Besides, I think he's found a nice boy to settle down with.

...And before you ask, no, it's not me. Does the name 'Clause' ring a bell? He's - well, she's actually a girl, ahahaha, but she dresses like a boy all the time and has a real tomboy streak. And Heiderich's not actually gay; I think he just liked you because you're smart and funny (or so he thinks) and that braid really does make you look like a girl.

Sorry, but it's true.

Don't cut your hair though. You'd look weird as hell with a military cut.

Your long, ranting replies tie up my internet, so please go easy with the caps lock.

-Russ

The cell phone rang for the fifth time and Ed sighed, staring up at the ceiling. He had called Envy after he got home, just like he was supposed to, but the long-haired teenager wasn't picking up.

"Hey, this is Envy. I'm not here right now, so leave a message. If you're creative about it I might call you back."

Glaring, Ed opened his mouth to speak. "Hey, Envy, it's me. You told me to call but you're not picking up, so I guess -"

"Please leave a message at the beep. BEEEEP!"

"Oh, fuck," Ed swore, blushing furiously. "I mean, uh, hi, it's Ed. You told me to call but I guess you're busy or something so whenever you happen to get a chance, call me back. Bye."

He shut the phone and sat up with a sigh. Lately, Envy had been acting rather evasive - they would talk and hang out during school, sure, and call each other every night, but other than that, he seemed determined to make himself scarce every day after school and after karate was over. It was getting to the point where Edward actually noticed that he was being avoided (and Ed himself would admit, that meant it was pretty obvious).

Maybe it had something to do with the sex, Ed thought. Or lack thereof, rather.

Not that, you know, every relationship had to be based on sex. But maybe Envy was regretting his speech about why he didn't want to have sex. Maybe he did, but he thought Ed wouldn't, and so he was trying not to tempt himself.

"Or maybe," Ed said resignedly, "I am just reading way too much into this."

"Reading way too much into what?" a bright voice asked in his doorway.

Ed jumped, sending the phone clattering off his bed and onto the floor. "Oh, shi- crap, Al, you scared me," he breathed, placing a hand over his rapidly beating heart.

"What were you doing?" Al asked mischievously. "You sound like you were up to something suspicious." He peered at Ed, who was wondering whether or not he was blushing yet. "You know, if you don't want to get caught, at least lock the door."

Frowning, Ed looked up the floor, where he had been scrabbling under the bed for the telephone. "Wait. What do you think I was doing?"

"I don't know," Alphonse replied innocently. "What do you think I think you were doing?"

Unsure of how to reply, Ed blinked, shook his head, and retrieved the phone, placing it on his bedside table. "I... don't want to know what you think," he said finally. "Why are you in here?"

"Can't I visit my darling big brother once in a while?"

"I vaguely recall you saying something like that when I was sick."

"Probably because I did."

Edward looked up at Al, smirking. "I think your visit made me sicker."

"Well you're not sick now, so -" Before Al could finish whatever he had intended to say, the phone rang loudly. Both brothers jumped for it.

Ed, mostly out of sheer luck, managed to grab it first, sticking out his tongue at a pouting Alphonse as he pressed the answer button. "Hello?"

"Hey, um, Ed? It's, um, me." Envy's voice sounded more unsure than usual and Edward found his eyes widening. He realized his reaction was a mistake when Al leaned closer and tried to snatch the phone from against his ear.

"Hi," he said, smacking Alphonse's hand away. "Sorry about the message. It was - haha, I started talking before the beep. You know how it is."

"Is it your boyfriend?" Al chirped with a grin at the same time Envy said, in his ear, "Oh, no problem. It was my fault. I, um, I was busy and I didn't hear my phone ringing." Envy gave a nervous laugh as Al asked again.

"Yeah, it is," Ed said.

"It is what?" Envy asked, sounding confused. Al cheered.

"Er, sorry, my brother's talking to me. Hang on." Edward took the phone from his ear and covered the mouthpiece with one hand, barely catching Envy's bewildered "Okay" before he rounded on his brother. "Al, stop trying to overhear my conversation!" he hissed.

"Why?" Al asked, widening his hazel eyes in a parody of innocence. "Are you going to say naughty things to each other?" He grinned.

"No, I - you - we -" Ed sputtered, quite at a loss for words. He groped for a pillow and threw it at his younger brother as hard as he could. "Out!" he said forcefully.

From: Russell Tringham (blueeyedhunkhotmail. com)

To: Edward Elric (fullmetalElricyahoo. com)

Subject: RE: RE: FUCK YOUR MOM WITH A SHARP STICK

Date: March 13, Wednesday

You know... I still don't appreciate the subject of this message. Why my mother? What has she ever done to you?

Anyway, I knew you would make the message as long as possible out of spite. Well, I hope you're pissed when I tell you I LIED because your stupid long emails don't actually tie up my internet. Yeah, that's right. I have a high-speed connection. Are you jealous? You have to go to the library every two days to check your email while I'm over here laughing at you from my computer. Which is in my room. Three feet away from my bed. Did I mention the high-speed internet?

Hahaha.

To answer your question, no, Heiderich doesn't know that I told you and I'm planning to have it STAY that way. Sure, you could come up to him at lunch one day and be all, "Hey, guess what Russell told me, dur," but that would make things a shitload of awkward between you two, because, judging by your dumbfounded silence (or lack of caps lock ranty bits), you had no idea he was actually coming onto you. Regretting your boyfriend now, hot stuff?

Yes. Clause is that tomboy chick.

I thought I said as much in my email. Guess not.

Or maybe your head is as thick as your stature is short.

AND here comes another ALL CAPS rant. Really, Ed, you're getting to predictable. I think you should suck it up and not rant in your emails for once. If you got through a whole email without using multiple exclamation marks (like this: !) or abusing the caps lock key, I will be shocked.

If you don't, I will shake my head, mutter "Just as I expected", and skip off to chase after rainbows in the unicorn meadow.

Oh wait; you're already chasing rainbows over there.

Okay, okay, that one was a little nasty. I'll stop with the gay jokes, I promise. And I promise I'm not being homophobic. So please don't walk up to me and punch me in the face when you get back to Germany, alright? ...Please?

Heiderich wants to know if you've been watching a lot of anime lately. What should I tell him?

-Russ

Martel stumbled and fell backwards. Ed, Envy, and the rest of the members of the karate class could only watch as she flung out her arms behind her to break her fall.

The silence in the dojo was oppressive, broken only by Martel's harsh gasps of pain.

It seemed as if they waited forever for the emergency crew, but when Ed looked at the clock, only five minutes had passed from the time Dorchet called to the arrival of the ambulance. White-coated paramedics examined Martel, gave her a shot of morphine - which seemed to take effect almost immediately, from the look of relief on the girl's face, and bound her wrist in an impromptu splint.

One of the crew, a woman with a red cross on her sleeve, took Izumi aside and talked to her in a low voice as Martel was loaded onto the stretcher and wheeled out. The karate teacher nodded gravely and sometimes replied in an equally quiet murmur. Finally, the dreadlocked woman turned to the crowd of students. "Envy," she barked. "Call Martel's house and tell her parents what happened to her."

Envy nodded, hurrying to the locker room, closely followed by Ed. "I'll call Sloth, too," he said as he picked up his cell phone with shaking hands. "She'll - I think she'd want to know what happened. And Martel will be happier to have Sloth visit her than she'd be to see her parents."

Edward, silent, nodded, and wandered out of the changing room to receive a drugged up smile from Martel, who was being wheeled back out to the ambulance.

Believe it or not, your threats are scarier when you're not doing your ALL CAPS LOCK thing. Honestly.

Good job on getting into the karate demo, by the way. Too bad that chick had to break her wrist for the teacher to shove you in, though. I once broke my wrist in fifth grade, I think. Hurt like hell and the paramedics didn't even have a chance to give me morphine. I hope they gave that girl morphine. I've always wanted to try some.

Anyway, I told Heiderich about your ninja skills. He was suitably impressed. And if I ever remember the name of that manga he wants, I'll be the first to let you know.

It was already Friday the twenty-second of March, nine days before they boarded the flight to return to Germany, and Ed didn't know anything about Envy at all. Well, he knew enough for them to have conversations - Envy did karate, hated school, loved music, was starting a band, had a pregnant sister Sloth and creepy brother Greed, liked shopping, loved candy - but nothing... permanent, really. Nothing that could sustain a long-distance relationship that spanned, well, nearly eight thousand miles. They had known each other for three months, for heaven's sake. There was no way a three month acquaintanceship and a one and a half month relationship could sustain that kind of stress.

Ed had never believed in true love, really. Who were the chick flicks kidding? No two people could stay together forever. It wasn't possible.

But that was his rational, scientist brain speaking. He wanted to believe that he and Envy could last, even though Ed was going back to Germany soon (too soon), and Envy would be remaining in Japan. Even though his stay in Japan had actually taught Ed more about the friends he had back home, and how they really were his friends. Even though Envy seemed dead set on starting some sort of career as a brilliant musician and would probably have fans from which he could take his pick.

I'm being irrational, Ed thought, though he wasn't sure if it was his hope or his denial of true love that was irrational. And anyway, it doesn't matter. I'll be leaving no matter what. But it was his choice whether he wanted to keep 'dating' Envy - however that would work - after he left Japan.

Well, his choice and Envy's, but...

"You will come to see us, right?"

"...Of course," Edward replied, slightly nonplussed. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

Envy's happiness and relief was almost painful. He even blushed a little. "Oh, that's... that's great. I mean, it's really nervewracking -"

"What's nervewracking?" Roy asked, hitting Envy in the shoulder. ("Ow!") "You're not the one proposing marriage."

Ed blinked. "Proposing marriage?" If it wasn't Envy, could it be Roy that was planning the proposal? Maybe to Riza. He wasn't sure the legal age of marriage in Japan but it was probably somewhere around sixteen and they were both older than that...

"Oh, er, that is..." the dark-haired teenager began, seeming to realize for the first time that he had said a little too much. "I mean..."

"It's a surprise!" Envy said brightly. "Just... just stick around for the last song, why don't you?"

"Of course," Ed said again. "I already said I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Especially the last song, right?"

"Er... especially the last song."

Envy looked relieved once more. "That's great," he said, with heartfelt happiness. And then Marcoh-sensei stood up and began to take roll, and all three turned back to face the front of the room. The conversation was forgotten, at least for the moment.

"So what are you guys planning at the festival?"

"But it's definitely gonna knock your socks off."

"Or maybe your pants,"

It was almost kinda cheesy - like something you'd find in a Chinese kung-fu movie - that their demonstrations were all set to music. Ed learned to execute a downblock at one point in the fast-paced, driving song, a high sidekick at another. He was set to drill with the other lower belts. Their movements would provide background to the black belts' demonstrations. There would probably be lights on the stage, too; pyrotechnics and things like that. Although her karate school might not be the wealthiest one around, Izumi-sensei certainly didn't skimp when it came to her demos.

Nikuya-sensei, "Barry," would be waiting for him with a demented grin and a butcher knife.

"Ed!" Winry said as Al called, "Brother brother brother!"

Ed couldn't help but laugh. "What?" he asked, bemused, as they tugged his arms.

"Come on!" Alphonse said. His face was glowing. "You guys were great on stage, but you need to change quickly!"

"Why?" Ed asked as Winry shoved his shirt into his face.

"Hurry, hurry!" she said, not answering. "Otherwise you'll miss something!"

Alphonse was already undoing Ed's belt, and Ed hit at his hands. "Get off me, I can do it!" he said, laughing but at the same time more than a little curious. "Really, what's up?" he pressed, removing his belt and tying it carefully.

Winry was bouncing on the balls of her feet. "It's a surprise," she said breathlessly, grinning, "but if you don't change now, we're going to miss it!"

Ed gave her a pointed look, and she turned around. "Sorry!"

"Thanks."

"Did you guys see Roy and Envy? They ran away pretty fast and I was wondering if you had any idea.. "Don't worry about it! "Just get over here!"

Alright, alright

As I look into your eyes

(And they're golden just like you),

I see some paradise,

Some place that's wholly new.

When I feel your hand in mine

And run my fingers through your hair,

It's like we've been here before,

It's like we're already there.

And I can write all kinds of words

Or I could say these silly things,

But when it comes down to it,

You're the one who makes me sing.

So I'll say it once again for you,

Though we've both already tried.

Just take my hand and come with me,

We'll walk together, side by side...

Envy held out his hand for the last few chords of the song, as it wound down into silence, holding Ed's eyes all the while. Then the wild applause broke the spell and Envy grinned, looking out onto the crowd, his hand falling to his side.

_And that's the title of the storie._

Bonus round how many times Envy calls Ed, Edo and Chibi

1.". "Don't worry, Edo," You'll do great.

2."Look, Edo...

3. I can read your mind, Edo.

4. "Seriously, Edo, I'd tell you but it's top secret."

5. oh, hey, Edo!"

6. "Thanks, chibi."

7. "You took forever, Edo,"

8. "What, Edo, you're not coming?"

9. . "Edo, we're kidnapping you."

10. "But what will you do, then, chibi?"

11. "I think I might have ruined your Valentine's Day, Edo,"

12. "So you're special, Edo. And now you've seen me serious... five times."

13. "Ed! Edo!"

14. "Calm down, Edo, I was just joking.

15. "How about you, Edo?"

16. "Nuh uh, nothing wrong, Edo. Sorry; I was just thinking.

17."It's not like he killed you. Don't be so sensitive, chibi."

18. "Edo, Edo, chibi," 2 for one

19. "Oh, hey Edo."

20."Hungry, chibi?"

21."So, how did you like shopping, chibi-face?"

22. "Why thank you, chibi!"

23. "Take a look at yourself, chibi."

24. "Now that Martel's put in her opinion, what do you think, Sloth? Edo?"

25."Oooh, naughty, naughty, chibi. You really shouldn't give me ideas like that."

26. "Hurry up, Edo!"

27."Thanks, chibi-pie! Your clothes should be somewhere in there too."

28."Edo, sit here!"That okay, Edo?"

29. "C'mon, Edo. We're leaving."

30.Come on, Edo-chibi-face."Sit here, Edo

31. "My God, he's so hot..." Noticing Ed staring, he quickly added, "But not as hot as you, chibi."

32. "Hey, Edo, can I carry you again?"

33."We'll have sooo much fun, chibi.

34."Chiiiibiiii!"

, Edo, this is Martel Nyoka; she's in the year below us. Hebi, this shorty is Edward Elric.

36. "No one messes with my Edo and gets away with it."

37. "No one messes with my Edo and gets away with it." X2

38. Envy: Konichiwa, Edo-kun!

39. "Hi, Edo."

40."Hi Edo!" X2

41. "Can't tell you, chibi!"

42. . I wanted to try something new, chibi."

43. "Oh, come on, chibi,"

44."So, how's life been treating you, Edo?"

45."You smell nice, Edo."

46. "C'mon, Edo, we don't have all day!"

47. "Any suggestions, chibi?"

48."Fine. Edward Elric, this is Maes Hughes. He's the janitor here, and he's also the manager of our band. Hughes, this is Edo."

49. Edo!

50. Is it okay if Sloth shares this with you, Edo?

51. "Why not, Edo?

52."Hold still, Edo."

53. "Edo-shrimpy-"

54."Good morning, Edo-chibi-face! How was your weekend? Didja miss me?"

55. "Hey, o-chibi-san."

56. "Listen to your girlfriend, o-chibi-san."

57. "Edo, we're walking home again today. Granny's still busy."

58. "Hey, Edo's-little-brother-who's-taller-than-him!"

59. "Hey, Edo. Can I borrow a book?"

60. "What's wrong with your milk, Edo?"

61. "Morning, 'chibi-san."

62. "Sorry, chibi."

63. Envy: Hellooooo Edo-kun!

64. Envy: May we sit with you, Edo?

65. Envy: So, o'chibi-san, how was your day?

And sooooo many more you start fucking countin, I'm fucking done!

Bonus bonus round how many of Ed's rants don't make any fucking seance

1. WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD GET PICKED UP BY A BIRD AND FLOWN AWAY?"

2. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT EVEN SHORT JOKES ARE OVER HIS HEAD?"

3."WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE'D GET TOSSED INTO A PILLOWCASE AND DIE OF SUFFOC- ack..."

4. "WHO ARE YOU CAL-"

ARE YOU CALLING BEAN-SIZED, YOU BRAINLESS BOTANICAL BUFOON!

6. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD BE SWALLOWED WHOLE?"

7."WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE SHOULD HAVE THE BODY OF A SHRIMP?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE ONLY FITS IN A TWELVE YEAR OLD'S-"

9. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE'D GET BURIED UNDER A PIECE OF PAPER?"

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE'S INVISIBLE COMPARED TO A BABY ANT, YOU DEMENTED OCTOPUS-HEAD?

bones bones bones round how many sins were actually in the story

1. Envy

2. Greed

3. Lust

4. Gluttony

6. Wrath

WHERE THE FUCK IS PRIDE?!

Total sin count=000000000 To many to count

We're together side by side!


	3. Chapter 3 Give me the fucking jellys

Give me the fucking jellys!

TV goes fuzzy to a channel. Channel clears to show a young red headed girl, her uncle , and sister and her sister's friends Envy, Gluttony, and Wrath.

Amy the red haired was tiredly sprawled out on the floor tired of playing D&D she got up.

The uncle: O' look a wallet!

Then Amy was trying to protract her wallet. Then her uncle spots the Jolly ranchers. And Amy is definitive once it goes down to jolly rancher.

Uncle: O' look jolly ranchers!

Then uncle grabbed her rubber wrist band and shook her hand and all of Jolly rancher flew everywhere.

Amy: Give me the jolly ranchers!

Uncle: What do you say?!

Amy: Give me my jolly ranchers!

Uncle: What do you say?!

Amy: Give me the Fucking jolly ranchers!

Uncle: What do you say?!

Misty: I believe the word you're looking for is Please.

Amy ignored what Misty said.

Uncle: Man are you having withdrawal symptoms from not having to any jolly ranchers?

Amy: Give me the Fucking …candy?

Envy: Oh my god she's useless! Ha, Ha, Ha!

Gluttony: Speaking of candy…. Is there any candy left?

Wrath: No!

Misty: Here…. Since I rarely eat sweets you can have it.

Gluttony: Thank you Misty! Num, num, num!


	4. Chapter 4 my little killer

My little killer

TV goes fuzzy to a channel. Channel clears to show some pony from My Little Ponys.

Rainbow dash: My Little Ponys

All skinny and boney

Went to the park one day

Minty was walking through the park.

Tripped on a wire

And fell in the fire

And that's the end of her days!

Then a half-baked pony came up to Rainbow dash.

Minty with a demon's voice:

You forgot a part.

Minty: 3,000 years past and no one saw her

Until now Mother Fucker! Ah, Ha, ha, ha!

Then she killed her in the most terrible way by cutting her up and make dog food out of her.


	5. Chapter 5 little red ridding hood

TV goes fuzzy to a channel. Channel clears to show a red car cruising in the dark forest.

"Lil' Red Riding Hood"

[howls]

Who's that I see driving in these woods?

Why it's Little Red Ridin' Hood

Hey there Little Red Riding Hood

You sure are lookin' good

You're everything a big bad wolf would want

Listen to me [howl]

Little Red Ridin' Hood

I don't think even big girls should

Go driving in these spooky old woods alone

[howls]

the person who was driving the car was a girl has raven black hair and has a red hood, and a basket in the front seat.

What big eyes you have

The kind of eyes that drive wolves mad

So, just to see that you don't get chased

I think I ought to walk with you for a way

What full lips you have

They're sure to lure someone bad

So, untill you get to grandma's place

I think you ought to walk, with me and be safe

I'm gonna keep my sheep suit on

Till I'm sure that you've been shown

That I can be trusted walkin' with you alone

[howls]

Little Red Ridin' Hood

I'd like to hold you if I could

But you might think I'm a big bad wolf, so I won't

[howls]

What a big heart I have

The better to love you with

Little Red Ridin' Hood

Even bad wolves can be good

I'll try to be satisfied

Just to walk close by your side

Maybe you'll see things my way

Before we get to grandma's place

Little Red Ridin' Hood

You sure are lookin' good

You're everything a big bad wolf could want

Then from out of nowhere a wolf pops out in front of the red car. He act like he was going to attack the he moved a side. The woman who was lil' red riding hood turns to her daughter who's half wolf which means she is a human but has brown wolf ears and tail.

Lil' Red: What does the wolf say?

She says with a gigantic smirk on her face.

The little girl with a red cape: Howls

Lil' Red: Good, daddy would be so proud.


	6. Chapter 6 Bloopers at the tv station

Bloopers at the tv station

TV goes fuzzy to a channel. Channel clears to show a tv station with a blond woman name Misty and man with green hair named Envy in the chairs. Behind them was a big tv.

Envy: In local news today Amanda Byns got out late from a local bar and while on the road hits a cop car and got herself a nice D.u.i after hitting that cop.

Misty: Really? Wow, and I grew up watching the Amanda show, I knew she was going to do that…..Eventually!

Envy: That's very funny girl! Our next story will shock and educate you! We go to Ed and Al for the scoop at the zoo, Hi Boo!

Ed: Envy stop you're making me blush!

Envy: Whatever you want chibi….

Ed: Who are you calling a "He is too small for a flee to see?"

Misty, Envy, and Al: No one called you that!

Ed: Oh, ok….. um oh, why I'm at the zoo, for all that are wondering is because of Shao May a small panda that was strong enough that survived.

Then Ed looked at the panda nervously.

Ed: Uh…..Uh…

Al: The panda isn't going to hurt you, they're harmless.

Then Ed was still looking at the panda.

Ed: Shao May…. I can't do this!

Al: Stop being such a pussy brother.

Ed: Fine Shao May is a…

The panda jumped on his face. Al dropped the video camera. You see Shao May, Ed, and Al side up were the Video camera was facing.

Envy: Chibi!

Misty: I guess you can't trust the Xings.

Misty: Our next story was the most retarded story ever!

Envy: I know some retard let lose some wild animals and then kills himself! And in Ohio for God shakes!

Misty: Well that's Double the suicide and homicide!

Envy: I know well the story goes after Lambert the lion died he went crazy and was on his way to jail for federal weapons charge, and then comes back home and let all the animals escape, he was also charged with animal abuse, neglect, and exotic animal invasion.

Misty: I guess I did a hoe(Ohio) is very loose on beastly on exotic pets, and loads of injuries and death.

Envy: The retard was giving 24 days and voiding jail time to take care of those poor viscous animals, and now they're being tracked down by a swat team, Rumor has it that he was getting back at his neighbors. If I was the cop or judge I would of put him in jail for a long time.

Misty: Oh I agree. That was so Fucking stupid! speaking of exotic pets, my mom wants me to get ether a pat Alligator or a Polar bear.

Envy: Are you fucking serious?!

Misty: Yeah my mom's fucking crazy, so anyway to whom are keeping exotic pets… Why The Fuck?! I mean we have heard so many completes about " Oh My Child got his face tore off by a fucking lion, or Oh my god my ….uh kid got rabies from a bat!" well here's a lesson for ya… Stop Messing With Wild Fucking Animals! Otherwise you're going to Fucking die!

Then a Ed and Al walks into the room crying.

Ed and Al: Misty, Envy you got to see this….

They hand the video tape to Misty and Envy.

It was a tape of an elephant befriending dog at an elephant sanctuary, but recently the dog past away, the Elephant carried the dog back to their spot the barn.

Misty: Oh, my ah god! That's sooo sad!

Envy: My heart what is this feeling?

Ed: It's called remorse jackass!

Ed and Al started crying. Misty and Envy was tearing up.

Misty: Man, like I need to watch something depressing and heartwarming. I mean the elephant and dog becoming fast friends, then 8 years later the dog tragically dies by a pack of coyotes. Then the elephant tried to save her but she didn't make it!

She started crying.

Then a guy comes in with another story. Misty, Envy, Ed, and Al reads it. Misty, Envy, and Ed starts bursting out laughing. Al was discussed about this.

Al: THAT'S SOOOOO NASTY!

Ed: OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL MAN! HA, HA, HA!

Envy: Man it's so fucking ridicules! HA, HA, HA!

Misty: WHAT THE FUCK OVER A BONER?! HA,HA,HA!

AL: THAT NASTY WHY THE HELL WOULD SOMEONE WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THIS?!

Misty: I donno it's news anyways in local news a man named Henry Wolf gets….(Psst) a 20 mouth boner from riding 4 hour Motor bike ride and waits for 2 years to sew the company.

Envy: In other news a local Dentist get Revenge on her Ex-boyfriend for cheating on her with another woman and he had a tooth ache and he went to go see her and she pulled out all his teeth and his new girl went up and left….. see this is why I'm glad to be gay.

Misty: No, it mean who's ever stupid enough to cheat serves ya right! I bet if ya cheat on Ed like that and if was a Dentist he would of done the same thing.

Envy:…. Ironically he is…

Misty: Well Envy you better not cheat on him.

Envy: Hey, chibi you're not commenting on if I could cheat on you.

Ed: I know you wouldn't.

Envy: What if I cheated on you with Misty?

Ed: Then I would probably rip all your fucking teeth out too.

Misty: Ok, our next story came to us from Lake Orion High school…Hold on….. I use to go to this school I need to read this real quick.

She starts reading. 5 minutes later she was laughing hysterically.

Misty: OH MAH GOD PEOPLE ARE SUCH IDEIOTS! READ THIS!

Ed, Al, and Envy read the story. And they bursting out laughing.

Ed: Man, Kids these days.

Al: My word what has this world come to? I mean seriously?!

Envy: COOL! I WISH I WAS THERE WHEN THAT HAPPENED! I WOULD OF COUSED THE RIOT! I'D WOULD OF BEEN " ANARCHY!" AND JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW FIRST.

Misty: Alright Lake Orion had High School, Scripps, and State had a black out because supposedly a bus driver was suspected to be drunk at the time hit a pole and blew 3 transformers and caused the fire.

Envy: So, Optimus Prime did this?

Ed: Yeah like what this is Transformers the movies? This could be Transformers 4 the revenge of Optimus Prime!

Al: I not a big fan of Transformers.

Misty: Me nether…. But no you're not getting the point, the transformers blew out and started a fire at Waldon….. witch ironically that was my middle school. So anyway people were going crazy, some students were tipping over desks, jumping out of windows, pissing on floors, starting an anarchy, pulling fire alarms, and cussing at teachers.

Envy: Now we know that this world is going to Hell.

Ed: So, they were seriously jumping out of windows, …witch windows?!

Misty: Well….. let's see if they were near the langue arts wing they would of cause suicide, if they were next to the science wing they would of been fine, so I'm assume that they jumped out of the science wing.

Al: They shouldn't of jumped out period!... This just in Plus size Modals are being criticized by their weight.

Misty got pist.

Misty: LET ME SEE THAT!

Misty snatches the paper reading the article. She crumpled the paper ripping it to bits and pieces, cussing at the air.

Misty: THOSE SUNS OF A BITCHS! I AM A PLUS SIZE AND PROUD OF IT GOD DAMN IT!

Envy: Wow, Misty calm down!

Misty: STAY OUT OF IT ENVY!

Ed: It's not Envy's fault Misty.

Misty: I KNOW BUT STILL IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT I ANIT SKINNY LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT THERE!

Envy: I know and I brought someone that can help you. LUST! SLOTH!, GLUTTONY!

Then a black haired woman, a brown haired woman, and a bold short guy came out. They sat on the couch. They stared at Misty for a bit.

Lust: Good to finally meet you….. Sloth!

Sloth fell asleep on the couch, Gluttony was in a daze. It woke her.

Sloth: Wha! Are we here?

Lust: Yeah Sloth we're here, for the record we're on camera!

Sloth: Oh,…..Shit I hope they got my good side.

Lust: She's going to knock out again….Sloth!

Sloth with a sleepy expiration.

Sloth: What Lust? What?!

Lust: Well I don't know maybe a "Hello" to are hostess is a polite greeting that should be said?

Sloth: Hello. Can I go back to sleep now?

Lust: (Sigh) Sure and when we to the end I'll wake you. But you're going to few words in, ok?

Sloth: Fine….(Snore….)

Envy: Misty, this is my Sister Lust, Sloth, and My brother Gluttony and they work for company that sales Plus size out fits.

Misty: Really, thank God for hope! See and I tell ya you'll make more than this one store in the mall um…..what's that one store I went to and they kicked me out…Oh Windsor Outlet.

Lust, Ed, Al, and Envy: THEY WHAT?!

Misty: Yep, true story I was with Maria, and Briana went to Windsor outlet and I was waiting for Maria and I was looking at these dress and you wouldn't believe what the manager said to me…..

Everybody in the room: No what?!

Misty: Well she said and I quote " I hope you're not buying that because you're too big to fit in it." I was so stunned and dumb founded, I wanted to say things that I normally don't say like I wanted to say

" Well I didn't wonna be anther anorexic hoe!" you know us fat girls need love too, I mean all the guys want are these skinny Bitches! Am I right or am I right?!

Sloth: (Sore….Snock) That's not true! A lot guys like fat girls!

Misty: Uh-huh give me one person that likes to go into a fat girls pants?!

Lust smiled evilly at Envy.

Lust: Well, Misty I'm surprised at you, you've been working with our brother for 4 years and you never noticed?

Misty: Noticed What?!

Envy: Don't say it Lust or I'll kill you!

Lust (whispers): Threats can only get you so far little brother…(Normal/ louder tone) Aww you don't want Misty to know? Sorry Misty I guess Envy doesn't want to clean out his closet, aww what a pity, Witch by the way has full of skeletons.

Envy: Be careful Lust you might be one of them.

Misty: Wow, sibling rivalry, Envy what was she saying?

Ed: Yeah Envy what was she saying?

Envy: Nothing.

Lust: Well there was a stage of his life he was into girls and they were pretty chunky girls.

Envy: Lust …..NOW I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!

Envy was about to attack Lust, then Gluttony stopped him.

Gluttony: No! No Envy, don't hurt my Lust!

Misty: Oh Mah God It Talks!... So, wait if Envy liked fat girls then why is he in a relationship with Ed?

Females voice: I Can Explain That!

Misty: Oh, Mah God It's Ellen!

Ellen sits down.

Misty: Oh Mah God….. I Love Your Show!

Ellen: And I yours doll, and I yours.

Misty: So, what brought ya ta mah show?

Ellen: Well I heard you were having a segment on plus-sized women and I also got a phone call from your co-star partner in crime. He the one who set up the meeting.

Misty: Ya did Envy!

Envy: Yeah, well don't let it get to you.

Ellen: On that note, Envy on the phone you sound like you were concerned for her.

Lust: That's our Envy!

Envy: Ok I'll admit that at one point I liked women when I was in high school, then when I meet Ed things change, then when I meet Misty….. I started to have a bit of a crush on her. I'm sorry Ed, Misty….. I guess I'm confused on who I want.

Ed looks down.

Ed: Well I think it's clear to me on who you want…Envy….. I won't be mad if you choose Misty over me.

Envy: Thanks Chibi, these past 2 years were the best of my life. And they hugged.

Lust: Alright Misty we got a dress for you to try on…Sloth!

The brown haired, sleepy head woke up.

Sloth: Huh?! What is it?! Is it time to go?

Lust: Almost but we have to fix Misty.

Sloth: Ok, let's do it.

Gluttony: I'm hungry Lust.

Misty: Lust, can I give him this turkey sandwich?

Lust: He's on a strict corpse digit.

Misty: Sorry we're out of Travis.

Gluttony smiled.

Gluttony: Well do you have any Piggy?

Misty and Envy: This is not the Lord of the Flies!

Lust: Alright Envy, Ellen stay out here, we'll be back in ten.

Lust, Misty, Sloth, and Gluttony went back stage to the dressing room. They put her hair in a bun, and her dress was a beautiful blue dress with diamonds, and with a black bleat, and big diamond earrings. 10 minutes later Lust, Sloth, and Gluttony came out.

Envy: So, where's Misty? Or did Gluttony ate her?

Gluttony: I didn't eat her, I fixed her.

Everyone laughed.

Gluttony: No! not like that! Perverts….

Lust and Sloth:: Misty, you can come out now!

Then Misty came out, and a lot of jaws dropped. Envy turned red. His eyes were covered by his greenish/ black hair.

Misty: So, Envy what do ya think?

Envy was still red.

Envy: All I can say Misty is… Wow!

Misty: So, you do like it?

Envy: I don't like it…..

Misty looks down. Envy smiled.

Envy:…I love it.

Misty: Aww, thank ya.

Envy: Nha, I mean it Misty you look very-very beautiful.

Smiles evilly.

Envy: (Whisper) you know southern bells turn me on.

Misty blushed.

Lust: Well I think we done enough. Sloth, Gluttony let's go.

Gluttony: See you Misty, enjoy your new look!

Misty: Thank ya, see ya'll. Alright next story…

Ellen: Well I'm sorry to interrupt but I have to get going.

Misty: Sure, thank ya for coming Ellen.

Then Ellen left.

Misty: Are next story comes from New Zealand in colleges kids are getting drunk as skunks and…

Envy was staring at Misty.

Misty: What are you staring at sugha?

Envy: Oh, um…. Am I? I mean you're fucking hot!

Misty: Why thank ya, maybe later I can take ya to mah place? But first college kids playing a new game called opossum, a game where kids go up into the trees and drink themselves stupid and kills themselves up into the trees.

Envy: That's very smart, back when I was in college we had a challenge of a gun with horse cum.

Misty: Eww! What's up with college kids these days?!

Envy: I was pretty wild and I got the nick name " Homunculus".

Misty touches Envy's chest.

Misty: Oh, Envy, you're soooo Homunculus.

Envy blushed.

Envy: Ed you can do the next story.

Ed: Our next…

Then from out of nowhere a small white/black dog I the station.

Ed: Black Highotie?! That means….. OH NOOO!

Man's voice: OH YES,…

Female's voice: Nice to see you too Ed, Al…Envy, good to see you Misty.

Al: Hi Mis. Riza, Mr. Roy, Black Highotie!

Black Highotie: Bark, Bark! (Grrrr)

Once he saw Envy.

Envy: I don't like you ether Fuzz ball.

Ed: Anyway, this story is in Germany a German artist kills puppies on stage?! That's mean!

Al: I know that's so mean, brother we should find him and put him in jail.

Riza: Me, and Roy we'll deal with it.

Al: I hope so…..anyways in our next story girl saves 500 owned dog with collars and leashes from becoming some peoples leanqizen.

Then a blond/ orange haired man came out.

Roy: Ah, Havoic, Welcome.

Misty: Yes, welcome. So Havoic how do you feel about puppies in leanqizen?

Havoic: Well Misty, I fancy the dog qizens.

Misty: Are You Serious?!

Havoic: Ha, No.

Riza: Good if you were serious I would of killed you and made you into chop suie!

Ed: Alright Al you can do the next story.

Al: Our next story is so heartwarming, I cried at this story. Of a dog saves her master from a oncoming train until her owner pass out and collapse. Her dog pulls her to safety while her dog was hit by the train, but did not die. The dog was injured.

Riza: Aww, what happened?

Ed: Well apparently her owner didn't like the dog.

Al: WHAT?! WHY?!

Ed: Because this dog was so ugly it would make an onion cry. I have the picture right here!

Shows picture of an ugly dog.

Al and Riza: Aww, come on Ed she doesn't look…..that…..OH MY GOD!

Ed: And her owner doesn't look any better. Here's his picture.

Shows a picture of the uglyiest dog and the Ring girl before and after using the dove brand shampoo.

Envy, Misty, Al, Roy, Riza, Havoic: Ahhhh!

Ed: Oh sorry that new Dove's commercial, makes you want to buy dove now doesn't?

Misty: No! THAT MOVIE SCARED THE PISS OUT OF ME!

Envy: What movie?

Misty: THE RING!

Roy and Havoic: You mean the girl that was pushed into well by her mom?

Misty:…Yeah… that's the one.

Ed: I was kidding here's the real picture.

Shows a picture of roy sleeping on the couch with tree of black Hyatie's puppies, with black Hyatie himself, and his master Riza Hawkeye tapeing him sleeping.

Roy: Wha?! When did this happen?!

Riza: Last week remember?

Roy: No!

Ed: That's for calling me Small you Bastard! Well anyways that's not the real pic, this is.

Guy with his "Ugly" but Heroic dog.

Riza: Wow, I never knew dogs can get ugly.

Roy: I told you that when Fury found Black Highotie!

Riza: No you didn't sir.

Roy: Yes I did!

Riza: No, you didn't.

Roy: Yes I Did! I specifically said and I quote " You know first lieutenant Hawkeye dogs can be ugly!" then you said….. uh hum (Roy in the best Riza's voice, which was an epic fail.) "I don't believe that, all dogs are cute!" that's what you said.

Riza: I still think dogs are cute, but….that dog was sadly ugly.

Al: You know when a Humans yawn then their dogs yawn equals empathy.

Riza: Of course that's why me and Black Highotie are so close. Right Black Highotie!

Al: While test shows that it true. Are next and final story is the most depressing story yet, it's so depressing that I couldn't read it out without crying,…..so I'll give it to Envy and Misty.

Then Envy's phone went off playing "Monster" by Kana West.

Envy: It's a text from Lust. It say's " Envy are you or Misty busy?"

Envy typed: No, Lust that's why me and Misty are still at the Fucking station! But why?!

Lust typed: Well cause Sloth went shopping and I want quote on quote " Have some alone time with Gluttony" so can you please watch Wrath?!

Envy typed: I'll see if Misty's busy.

Envy put the phone back into his pocket.

Envy: Alright I know this is going to sound random but…. Could someone watch my kid brother.

Ed and Al: Noooo waaaaaaaay! The last time we watched him for you…

Flash back

Wrath, Ed, and Al went to the Detroit zoo and Wrath went Ape Shit.

Wrath: Let's go see the Polar bears! Polar bears! Polar bears!

Ed: OK! Ok! We'll go see the Fucking Polar bears!

Al: Aww come on brother, Polar bears are cute. What's the harm?

Ed: You're right I mean Polar bear are almost extinct.

Wrath: Yeah! Let's go!

And Wrath bolted to the Polar bears. Then Ed and Al was cashing Wrath all over the zoo. Then they saw Nina, Tucker, Mrs. Hughes, Elicia, and Maes Hughes.

Al: Hi guys!

They all look up.

Nina and Elicia: Big Brodhers!

Ed and Al picked them up.

Maes Hughes: Hi boy's enjoying the zoo?

Al: Yeah but do you know a little kid with black hair? Do you know if he came here?

Tucker: No, I haven't seen a little boy coming through here why?

Ed: Well…. We are watching him for Envy.

Mrs. Hughes: Aw, that's so sweet of you boys.

Maes Hughes: For Envy? The Homunculus?! Why?!

Ed: Well it's a long story…ha,ha.

Al: Ed's dating him, and he wants to get on his good side.

Ed: SHUT THE FUCK UP AL!

Mrs. Hughes: BOY'S LANGUAGE! Our kids are here.

Nina and Elicia: Yeah big brodher!

Then all of a sudden a flash of black hair just wizzes past them and jumped into the polar bear exhibit. Ed and Al put the girls down to chase after the little boy that ran through like a rabbit on it hinge legs. They chase him through the polar bear exhibit and lost sight of the black haired demon child.

Ed: WHAT THE HELL! WHERE'S THAT FUCKING DEMON CHILD! I AM SOOOO GOING TO KILL ENVY FOR THIS! HE KNEW THAT I NOT GOOD WITH KIDS , ESPECIALLY HIS LITTLE DEMON OF A BROTHER!

Al: Aww, come now brother he's not that bad.

Ed: You're just saying that because you have a crush on him….Checkmate.

Ed smiled evilly, and Al blushed.

Al: IT'S THAT NOTICEABLE?!

Ed: No!...But now I know! Hah!

Then they saw the black haired wild child in the polar bear enclosure swimming with the polar bear. Wrath smiled evilly and waved. Then 2 hours later they got kicked out zoo.

End of flash back

Ed and Al shuddered at the thought of the memory.

Ed: He swam with the polar bear, boxed a kangaroo, and tried to ride a white rhino!

Envy: Well what do you expect he's a sin, and sins when they're board they do stupid things!

Misty: I'll watch him.

Envy: OH, THANK YOU MISTY YOU'RE A LIFE SAVER!

Misty: Yeah, Yeah so I've been told.

Roy: We better get going, thanks for having us Misty.

Riza: Yeah, thank you Misty.

Havoic: Yeah, thank you.

Black Highoutie: Bark! Bark! Bark!

And they left. Then Envy went to go get Wrath. You can still hear brief talking. Then from out of nowhere Wrath jumped on Envy.

Wrath: NII-SAN!

Envy: WHAT THE HELL WRATH?! DON'T JUMP ON ME!

Wrath: So, who's the unlucky one who's going to "Baby sit" me? I hope it's Alphons.

Envy looked at him and (Sighed)

Envy: I'm sorry to bust your bubble but al is busy with something, but you'll be with Misty…

Wrath: Misty?!...Yay! I love Misty!

Envy: So does this mean you won't cause any mastiff?...will you?

Wrath: No, with her it's weird to say I'm good as gold.

Envy: Good, good.

So they went back to the news casting room for Misty. Wrath jumped on Misty.

Wrath: Misty-san!

Misty was bear hugged by the wild child.

Misty: Wrath-chan why are ya here sugha?

Wrath had a sad face and was hurt.

Wrath: Why you don't want me here?!

Misty: NO! NO, I didn't mean I don't want ya here sugha, I do want you here, I do… it's just mah boss he'll kill me…. But I'll go ask if it's ok.

Then they went to go find Misty's boss. They found him talking to the producer.

Misty: I'm so sorry to interrupt you two but I want to know if my son can be on stage with me for our next segment? Because our nanny is nowhere to be found and she doesn't have a smart phone that has a gps or any phone for that matter, and I can't find any one that would watch him…..so can he?

Boss: What about Jack?

Misty looked at Jack, he was pushing a cart of vases. Jack knocked over all of the vases and broke all 20 vases.

Wrath freaked out, and hid behind Misty.

Misty: Do you have kids Mr. Boenerman?

Boss: Yes, 3… Why?

Misty: I don't know it's a mother's intuition but would you leave your Children with him?!

The boss took a long look at Jack.

The boss: Come to think about it maybe that's is a pretty bad idea.

The producer: Hey, I've got it! What about since we're doing a bulling how would you like to be in it?

Wrath: I don't know….

Misty: Sir, I don't think it's a type of topic to discuss.

The producer: It's a perfect topic, I mean think about it! Kids now days their suicidal! That means more stories for us. So see to it Miss. Holewa or I'll can you…..are we clear?

Misty: Yeah, not like we had depressing stories so far.

Then they left. Misty and Wrath went back to Misty's chair.

Envy looked up at Misty and his brother.

Envy: My anit we back so early, couldn't wait to see me?

Misty: Well ya know sugha I do, but I think this next story might change every about what you think about me…..

Envy: Like what?...

Misty: Our next and final story for tonight is about bulling….. Bulling is a very, very serious issue epically now since…..(Misty tears up) Envy and Wrath was holding her.

Misty: I'm ok…..thank ya guys….. so anyways Bulling is a big issue now more than ever, I mean even when I was in school it was horrendous! I mean every always picked on me because I was fat and because of my back, oh and they called me worthless and said that I should kill myself.

Wrath and Envy: Wha?!

Misty: I know, it's hard to believe but it's true…. When I was in pre-school it all started with the teasing, my mom thought it would be cute to dress up like Barony, now at the time I never thought people would of hate Barony…..

Envy: BUT OF COURSE EVERYONE HATES BARONY! I MEAN LOVING PEOPLE ALL THE TIME!

Misty: SEE?! I mean this is why we have Bullies! That right there maybe I hate to say maybe Barony had a good point I mean sure some people have some daffiness, but I'm just so frustrated that…because (starts crying) Because Bullies are causing their victims to kill themselves while they live a more of a crappy life then when the victim would of lived, they probably would of cured cancer, or solved how to prevent world hunger! But we would never know now!

Envy: I know the feeling, I was picked on by my older Brother Greed, and he would say that I was gay for wearing tank tops, and skorts but I feel comfortable in them. Then he would always say that I would never in a million years get a girlfriend because I would scare them off by the way I dress.

Wrath: The kids at school teas me about my name, and the way I look. They think because my hair is long I look like a girl. Hey Misty do you think if I was girl would I be cute?

Misty: If ya was a girl ya would be the cutest girl I know.

Then Wrath smiled and hugged her.

Misty: So, where was I?...Oh yes so with me the teasing never stopped, I've been to 3 different elementary schools, middle, and then the High school. But here's the ironic part I want to thank someone. Mr. Hoffman if you're watching this I want to thank you, even though I think the worst teacher ever…so thank you if it wasn't for you I've would of ether killed myself or still be stuck in the 4th grade or killed myself for being stuck in the 4th grade. Then after I went to a Pontiac MI…..

Wrath: So where the first one?

Misty: Ironically most of my schooling was in Lake Orion, but when I went to Pontiac school for a week I was terrified. Then after that I went to Webber, then Walden, and to Lake Orion High. During my High school years I've seen sooooo many things that will shock you like we had so much bulling…..we had a lot of suicides of some beloved teens that died tragically because of bulling and they were hot I thought take a look….

Misty shows the pictures.

Misty: …. Yeah it's only going to get worse, but I heard good news though, they say the schools are cracking down on the kids for bulling, and I also heard there was a movie out now called Bully it looks good I personally want to go.

Envy: Maybe if you're not busy later do you want to…go with Me?

Misty squeals, and Envy plugs his already half deaf ear.

Envy: I take that as a yes?

Misty: You bet your sweet peas I'll go with ya sugha.

Ed, Al, and Wrath started to laugh.

Ed: You know we're still on air right?

Misty: Oh,….sorry, so like I said before I went to so many schools, it was so difficult be new, but after Webber I got use to it. But when I was in school I wasn't the most popular, but I had friends, and all my teachers loved me so that was a plus…

Ed, Envy, and Wrath: No! It's not good being a teacher's pet!

Al looks at Misty.

Al: Don't listen to them Misty, I think it's great! Good for you!

Misty: Thanks, so yeah but the best part of being a kind of a kiss butt, I got a kind of a free sculler ship to a college in Kalamazoo.

Al: That's Great!

Ed: Really?!

Wrath: No way!

Envy looks down.

Envy: That's….Great.

Misty: You don't sound so enthusiastic.

Envy: I am, it's just…. That if your gone then what am I going to do without you?

Misty got what he was saying.

Misty: I'm not going now guys!

Wrath, Al, Ed, and Envy: Wha?!

Misty: No, I'm going 5 years from now.

Envy, Ed, Al, and Wrath: Oh, ok what a relief!

Misty: So, anyways when I got to high school, I made a few friends. When one of friend's friend died because of suicide.

Wrath: How?!

Misty: Well I heard from the friend that happened to…..she said He got dumped by his girlfriend, he somehow got a gun and he went to the bathroom and he shoot once after a couple a seconds later his sister came in and witness killing himself….you know what I have a couple a songs for ya ones called Hero by Superchick and the Fray How to Save a Life .

So they listen to them.

Ed: Before we wrap up there is one last part to the bully talk we have a story from Minnesota, Misty.

Misty: Apparently a girl hangs herself because she was teased and tortured by a group of girls who wrote Slut all over her locker…..now let me ask ya a question where's the teachers when all of this is happen?...AND ANOTHER THING! I watch this disturbing tape that's called…. Oh I don't remember, but I remember being so depressed after it I was balling my eyes out. The stuff people said and I quote " It felt good to make that person cry" I mean it was unbelievable.

Wrath: I'm not even that mean and I'm a sin.

Envy: They're giving us sins a bad name. Oh and Tiger Shrimpy did I ever give you my next payment?

Ed: DON'T CALL ME A GHOST SHIMP THAT WE CAN BARELY SEE THROUGH THE WATER BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE A MICROSCOPE!

Misty, Al, and Wrath: He didn't call you that!

Misty: Actually I think he actually complement you, because Tiger Shrimp are the type of shrimp that are very big in size. While that's all the time we have tonight, Well All of us at station want to say don't comet suicide over things, it isn't worth it, so good night everybody!


	7. Chapter 7 Whip His Hair Back And Forth

Whip His Hair Back And Forth

Yaya-Suki

Darkmoon: yo dis dark moon wats popppin yas!

Envy: oh just shut up! You know that you couldn't pull street talk off even if lil wanye came and taught it to you.

Darkmoon: o.o… shut up you stupid crossdressing palmtree!

Envy: oh no you didn't ! But anyway Darkmoon doesn't own fullmetal alchemist. Okay lets fight now. *puts up fists*

Darkmoon: enjoy the story while me and envy fight! *gets punched in the eye* ow envy you kisama!

Whip His Hair Back and Forth

It was a normal dark day in the homunculi liar. Envy walked into the livingroom ,sat on the couch and watched TV. Then Greed being his weird and stupid but cool self walked into the livingroom and decided to ask his little brother a question.

"Hey….Envy."

"Yeah , what is it?"

"Ummm this might sound stupid but ummm…. Why do you keep your hair so long?"

"For many reasons , Greed"

"Like…" he started. Envy smirked evily. "Don't worry I'll show you one of my reasons." Envy ran up the stairs. For five minutes Greed waited until Envy and Lust came down the stairs. Envy had on some orange baggy pants with some blue converses on and a blue tang top (why does he have a tang top on? Why does he even have a tang top? O.o). His hair was out. Lust looked like a rockstar. They both had fake piercings on.

"Greed go get some paint cans filled with paint" demanded Lust. As his big sister said he brought some paint cans. Envy put a Cd into the Cdplayer and turned it up extra loud. Before the song started Lust and Envy dipped their hair into the paint cans. Then Greed heard the music blast.

Envy and Lust started to whip their hair really hard. Envy fell on the floor and rolled and whipped his hair still. Now Lust was on her knees and hands whipping it like crazy. Paint flew all over the place. Look at those animals, Greed thought, they could join the circus. "Ow!" Paint flew into his eye. He tried to walk to the sink to watch his eye out but walked into a wall. Pride came into the room. "What the hell?" he said, "Oh well not my problem!" He whistled as he walked into his room.

Envy and Lust jumped into the air and whipped their hair. They actually stayed in the air for five minutes! Greed looked at them with his one good eye amazed. An eye patch was covering the other eye. As the song ended Envy walked over to Greed.

"And that is one reason why I keep my hair so long. Want to see the others?"

"No thanks I'm good" he said with his mouth wide open.

"Well okay good night" Envy ran up the stairs and into his room. "Greed clean the place up will ya" said Lust going to her room. Note to self … don't ask Envy anymore questions, Greed thought to himself as he got the mop.

Darkmoon:*knocked out*

Envy:*stands on her* I WON! BWHAHAHAHAHAH! Anyway thanks for reading and please review. Flames will be stared at. Oh and she gives credit to….

Darkmoon: *gets up*…. To Willow Smith for making the song Whip My Hair. *passes out again*


	8. Chapter 8 I'M A WHAT!

I'M A WHAT?!

Tv goes fuzzy and clears to show Misty and Envy in bed together the night before and having sex. Then next morning Misty woke up and felt like vomiting.

Misty waking from Envy's bed, and go's straight to the bathroom toilet.

Envy wake and was shocked.

Envy: Are you ok Misty?!

Misty in bathroom: It's probably a hangover I'll be…..fine…..blaha!

2 days later Misty and Envy went to his family's house for graduation party for Envy and Misty.

Misty right away ran into the bathroom. Everybody was watching and was worried.

Greed: What's up with her?

Lust, Donta, and the female Sloth has a intuition on what Misty's dirty little secret is…Pregnancy.

Lust: So, Envy how was she in bed?

Envy: Better then you'll ever be.

Lust: Really? Well has she seen you're true form? Or you're legendary form?

Envy: Well…

Flash back

Envy was in bed with Misty for the first time and he got excited and turned into a 24' lizard/ dragon with spikes, and living human souls coming out of him. Misty was speechless.

Envy in a deep voice: You don't like me now huh?

Misty smiled.

Misty: Envy, I don't judged people,…or Homunculus by their aperients, and Envy even I have some secrets…I snort when I laugh.

Envy in a deep voice: That's not very bad.

Misty: Ok, fine I dance in my room naked and pretend that I'm the guy from silent of the lamb.

Envy in a deep voice: Wow,…that's pretty fucked up, but it's surprising turning me on.

Misty: Please don't play with me Envy.

Envy: What, I thought you love my mind games?

Envy said with a smirk.

Misty: I donno I always hated mind games.

Male head: Hey baby come over and show me your body.

Woman: You pervert there's children present.

Then Misty got nervous.

Misty: Please turn into your homunculi self please.

Back to now.

Lust: Ok but what about your baby lizard?

Envy: Well…

Flash back

Envy got into a fight with the Elriks and lost a lot of energy.

When he got home he was looking for red Philosopher stones. He looked in covert's and under couches, and chairs. But no luck. The Misty comes home to see a little lizard on her bed.

Misty didn't know if she wanted to stab it or to say awww how cute.

Misty put her hand to it.

Misty: Envy?

The lizard looked up.

Envy in a squeaky voice: So, you don't like me now huh, I mean compared to my ginormous this is probably a deal breaker, huh.

Misty looked at him and shook her head.

Misty: Envy, I already told you that I'm going to be loyal to you no matter on how you look, you can look like a leaper and I still won't care.

Envy in a squeaky voice: Man, you're like dog,…. I'm glad to have meet you and got fall in love with you. I mean you're so loyal I mean any man would be lucky to have you.

Misty: Why thank you.

Misty held out her hand to Envy. Envy hesitated.

Misty: Come on Envy, I wouldn't bite,….. you can come up.

And he climbed on to her.

Back to now

Lust: If I was her I would of left the first time, she's crazy!

the next day she goes to the doctors and finds out she's pregnant. Envy comes home to finds his family at his house.

Envy: Misty why is my family here?

Misty: We got to talk.

Envy: Why? Don't tell me We're getting a dog!

Misty: Well not exactly a dog, but it does make messes like one.

Envy: Please don't tell me I'm…. I'm going to be a (Faint)

Misty: What a twist!


	9. Chapter 9 Cops are useless

Cops are useless

TV goes fuzzy to a channel. Channel clears to show 2 people going into a Chinese's restraint and got 2 quarts of chicken fried rice $8.99, 2 bags of fortune cookies $2.00, and 2 soft drinks $2.75 the total= 13.74

Then they went to the movies, Envy suck in beer. The tickets cost 10.00 bucks per-person( 2=20). After the movies he was going to take her home. Then they got stopped by a cop. The officer came up to the car. Envy was tipsy rolling down the window, Envy was smiling like a drunken sailor.

Envy: Evein' officer.

The cop which on his name tag was Huse wasn't too happy.

Huse: Do you know why I stopped you son?

Envy scoffed.

Envy: Well- you- should know why you stopped me -off-ic-er!

Huse: You're drunk out of your fucking mind! Now tell me did you come from a party?

Envy: No, I came from Pixie land!

Huse: Ma'am are you drunk?

Misty: No, I'm not officer.

Huse: Wha? So let me get this straight….. You a smart girl let a drunken 25 year old…..

Misty looked at him like he was fucking crazy.

Envy: I'm—not- 25- I'm( he faints hits his head on the car horn)

Misty: He's 21 exactly…..

Huse: What about you?

Misty: 17…

Huse: Ok I'll tell you what since I not a married yet what about showing me your tits?

Misty showed her tits. Remember cops are useless, then Envy woke up the look on his face priceless. 

Misty: What a twist!


	10. Chapter 10 Black out

Black out

Tv cuts out to show a girl and her friend goes to school and they we're board out of their minds.

Envy: When is there going to be anything exciting?!

Then 2nd hour started, halfway through the power went out. Everything went black and you can burly see 2 feet in front of you.

Envy: Wow, the Fucking power's out, oh that's great!

Misty: I hate the dark!

Envy: Misty stop being such a pussy.

Misty: I can't help it, I'm scared of the dark.

Mrs. I : Ok don't panic! There's a room with windows next door, we'll just take that room over until the power comes back on.

30 minutes Envy and Misty we're board out of their minds.

Random kid: Hey look everybody, there's someone jumped out of the window!

Envy and Misty jump to the window.

Misty: Hey Envy watch this…..

Misty opens the window.

Misty(Yells out the window): Run Forest! Run!

The guy was still running then he looks at Misty and ran into a stop sign.

Envy: That was Guinness!

Then Envy gave Misty a high five still laughing his ass off. Then 2 hours later they heard commutation in the next room.

Mrs. I: Hey Misty can you see what sounds like the lord of the flies next door.

Misty got up and went next door. Misty looked in the door and was horrified.

_Oh my God! It is like the lord of the flies! Misty thought._

The kids were tipping over tables and desks and making fortes ou of them. Misty goes back to Mrs. I.

Mrs. I: Well?

Misty: They-They-They…

Mrs. I: They What?!

Misty: They were tipping over desks!

Mrs. I: THEY WHAT?!

Then Mrs. I left to go find a teacher to control the lord of the flies. 2 hours later Mrs. I hasn't came back and Misty has to go to the restroom.

Misty: Envy I have to go to the restroom…

Envy looked at her she was Fucking crazy.

Envy: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING ME FOR?!

Misty: Because I need someone's permission to go….

Envy: Well then go!

Misty ran as fast as she can to the rest room. They had a note on the doors.

Misty: OH FUCK THEY'RE CLOSED!

So she went back to seconded hour.

Random girl: I heard someone peed on the restroom floor!

Other random girl: Eww gross!

Misty and Envy started to laugh. Then some of the students started cussing at the staff.

Guy: FUCK YOU! WE'RE LEAVING!

Then the fire alarm went off.

Envy: What now?!

Misty: FUCK I hate the fire drill we have to the football filed!

So they went down the hall down the stairs to the back parking lot. One of the teachers said to pull back. They said go to your 3b class. So later Misty and Envy got to their 3rd hour and they nervous because Misty had Physics and Envy had Chemistry. 30 minutes later the teacher, comes into the room.

Random teacher: I heard we are suppose to stay in 3rd hour for the rest of the day.

Then the teacher left the room.

Misty and Envy: Yes!

Mr. M: Alright lets play a game. Alright you have unlimited money where would you go?

Misty: Jamaica

Envy: Hawaii or Jamaica

After 23 people.

Mr. M: Alright what would you do with the unlimited money?

Misty: Go shopping.

Envy: Same.

After 23 people.

Alright how would you get there?

Misty: By car.

Envy: Same.

After 23 people.

Mr. M: Who would you take?

Misty: Envy, my good friend Envy!

Envy: My best friend Misty.

Mr. M: My dog cooper, alright speaking of Zoology what animal would you be?

Misty: A bat or a wolf no hands down!

Envy: A Platypus.

Misty: Really? A…..Plat….a…. Pus? Why on earth?

Envy: They maybe cute and cuddly but they can kill an adult very quickly with one blow!

Then they let the kids go after 4 to 5 hours with out light. After an hour the bus came. Misty and Envy was glad to be back home. And Misty had to go to the bathroom really bad.

Misty: Can I go to the bathroom?

Envy: Did you go in 2hour?

Misty: Dude that was 6 hours ago! And no the bathrooms were locked at that pouit so I hold my kidneys for the whole 8 hours!

Misty and Envy: What a twist!


End file.
